Not all of us look forward to falling in love, starting a family, and moving into that house with the typical white picket fence. Not that there is anything wrong with that dream, it's just not ours. Many of us are tired of the lectures of modern societies "hook up culture."
We want to meet someone, have sex with that someone in order to hope we can do it again with that same someone for a while. You know, a Friend with Benefits (FWB).
Me, as a serial monogamist who would prefer the physical intimacy a relationship offers without the wooing, falling in love, meeting the parents, moving in, and fatal ending within 2 years or so, starves for a FWB.
After 8 months of indulging in what I believed was a noncommittal friendship; enjoying what I believed was the amazing benefits of having a casual relationship, I witnessed a sudden change. The arrangement was stagnant, at a stand still, nearly non-existent.
1. The conversations are no longer the same.
While we were actively engaging in our casual relationship, my phone would chime with the infamous "good morning, good night" text. Suddenly, I did not wake up to good morning texts nor fall asleep to good night farewells.
They were short, infrequent, and "friend-like." I came from the girl he had jaw-dropping sex and insightful conversations with, to the homie he texts when he needed help with proofreading his essays.
2. Visitations dwindled
We were close friends after all, so, we visited one another nearly everyday. We alternated the days, naturally. We, somehow, managed to see one another daily. Just as the visits, the sex was available. It was frequent, varied, and life changing. As time flew by, the visitations declined from daily to rarely.
When I asked to visit, I would be welcomed to "I am not home" or "I am playing basketball." I ignored the signs because I was not that needy for his attention and closeness. But, it became unacceptable when my smooth talk of our kinks would not arouse a "Yes. I will be right there."
3. The sex stopped!
We know that this is the only reason I am as close to him as I was. Not only way he an amazing individual, he provided me with awe-inspiring sex. Despite the ending of our meet-ups and our enlightening conversations, I believed my sexual ability was heavenly enough to make him come back.
When all else fails, the sex should not. Unfortunately, I could not reel him back in with my vagina as bait. Regardless of how intimate the texts were or how passionate the nudes were, he did not bite. I lost my FWB indefinitely.
While it was too late for me to realize it as he was cutting off the benefits in our arrangement, the signs were as bold as a billboard advertisement on the side of a highway. It is hard to shake off but, if your FWB suddenly texts or call less than usual, visits you rarely, and stops having sex with you, you are just his friend.
