After some thought, I read an article about how you shouldn't date a guy for more than one year, and decided to add my two cents.
As I start to get older and form new relationships with guys, I realized that many of the relationships, whether it was serious or not, was empty. Why was it empty? My last realization after a break up with a boyfriend of roughly six months was that we were still sort of strangers. This may not be the same for everyone, but we were and I didn't want to admit that. We've been on multiple dates, we've had multiple conversations but what we didn't have was a friendship. The first foundation to any relationship.
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I think many times people jump into relationships because once you see a person you're attracted to and want, you want to take it to that level. That's okay. The first three months are always the honey moon phase. You feel as if that person can do no wrong, and then it happens, they show some colors you've never seen before. I was never friends first with my ex-boyfriend. I'm not afraid to admit that. We were strangers, who had taken a liken for each other. I have to admit, he was attractive, he was tall, and he was older. Everything I wanted externally with a guy.
I'm not saying my relationship with him was a fad. It wasn't. I liked this guy because for a moment of time he made me feel wanted, special, and I had this whole fantasy in my head that put a lot of pressure on me to be the best understanding girlfriend ever. I held my expectations high. I believe it would've worked out better for both of us if we hadn't jumped in so fast. The truth is we didn't know each other at all and I found myself trying way too hard. I think that if we slowed down a bit then things wouldn't have ended negatively. We should've taken our time. I should've taken my time. And because we were never friends from the beginning, now we're back to being strangers. But life is a learning process.
Relationships aren't lasting because we rush into things. There is NOTHING wrong with taking your time to know someone that you're attracted to. Just because you are attracted to that person doesn't mean that in the next two weeks you guys should be boyfriend and girlfriend. As friends, I believe that you know what to expect out of them, so you aren't blindsided in the relationship. Also sometimes by being friends first, you dodge a bullet because you realize that just because you are attracted to that person, doesn't mean that a relationship is necessary.
I blame myself for the failure of my relationship with him. I think a lot of times articles that tell people you shouldn't be friends for 'only' a month or you shouldn't date for more than a year puts pressure onto relationships. NO! You take as much time as you need. If you are friends with someone first, then moving into a relationship is smooth, and moving onto different levels are smooth too.
Life is not a race track. If you tell a girl or guy, that you are interested in being friends first before you jump into a relationship, and they cannot accept that then you know that it wasn't going to be serious anyways. Serious relationships take time, and they are so delicate. Strange enough, its almost like a birthing process. It takes nine months for a baby to be born. You have nine months to prepare to be a mother. Of course, you're never really prepared to be a mother, but as the baby ages---so does your expertise. You know what to expect and you become comfortable.
Treat your relationships like that. I'm not saying be friends with a guy or girl for nine months. But that analogy, is to just to show you think of your relationship as such. You're friends for nine months. You love each other and are ready to take the next step. Then, there's a birth of a relationship. You know what to expect, of course there are somethings that may put a bump in the road, but you guys won't call it quits due to the friendship. Relationships deserve healthy steady growths.
I think that my ex and I if we had taken our time we would've been fine. It would've been real love rather than infatuation (which it was). I was pressed to have a relationship when I should've learned to crawl before I walked (although I can say I was a pretty good girlfriend) . Or if we were friends he would've realized that I'm not the girl for him, and that he wasn't the guy for me. However, I would've had a friendship with a decent person. Instead, we're back to strangers and less forgiving of each other.
Right now, every guy who sparks an interest with me, I decide that there's no need to rush. I think what proves this theory is the fact that I see it happening in my life right about now. I've been friends with this guy for two years. We mutually know that we have a thing for each other, but at the right time we'll get to that. We are aware that we are at different strokes in our life. If it happens then it would be good because I know HIM. I am comfortable with speaking about anything with him, and being 'ugly' in front of him. If it doesn't happen it's because it wasn't meant to be. But at the end of the day, I'll still have a friend of him.
So point of this--- crawl before you walk. Don't rush into anything. Friends before relationship. And if you don't believe me, watch Love & Basketball.
