It was March of 2012. I was 15 years old. I was lost, I was hurting, and I felt I was gone too far to be repaired. I was ready to give up.

Four years ago, I took a handful of pills and had you asked me when I was on the way to the hospital, I would've told you that I just had a headache and figured that would help. I would've lied and told you that I really did want to be alive, that I was happy and loved my life. And for some of you, that is exactly what I told you. The reality of it is, I was laying in bed and I wanted to die, then thoughts of my nephew flashed in my mind, and I thought of him growing up and me missing out on all the amazing moments to come. In that moment, that little boy growing up was all I thought about, and I couldn't leave him to wonder why I was gone.

I was afraid of my own struggles, I didn't understand why I felt as low as I did and why the thought of ending my life was such a peaceful idea. I was hurting, I was hurting so badly. Even years later, I don't fully understand the turmoil that I was in at the time. All I can remember was the pain. I have worked hard to suppress so many negative memories from my younger years, but the memory of the pain has never gone away. I remember feeling sick to my stomach at the thought of waking up to live another day.

I didn't truly come to terms with this until a few months ago. I've been doing well for years, I've been happy and stable, no prescriptions or therapy sessions. Through all the good times, I never truly came to terms with this dark shadow of my past that seemed to haunt me. Then it happened.

I was at a concert seeing one of my favorite artists, I was dancing and singing and laughing, even crying because of the emotions I felt to finally be experiencing something I had been dreaming of. And all of a sudden I stopped dead in my tracks and I thought, "What if I never made it here?" It all hit me at once.

There were so many emotions flowing through my mind. I felt guilty, but glad. Sad, but happy. It was such a bittersweet moment to look up and realize that one bad time in my life could've completely erased the wonderful things that have happened to me in the past four years. It was humbling to think that I was given a second chance. A second chance I am so so thankful I've gotten.

The past four years have been years of growth as well as struggles. Pain never goes away, there is always going to be something that will hurt you, and that is unavoidable. But what 15-year-old me didn't understand was that the pain would pass and there would be so many beautiful things to look forward to. So many places to see, so many people to meet, so many lives to live, so many chances to take. I've had the chance to grow closer to my whole family and share so many experiences with them, and I am so glad I didn't miss any of it.

This week I will be 20 years old. I have an amazing job and every day I am surrounded by people who want to help me achieve the most in life. In a year and some months, I will graduate college and begin a career. I have gotten to meet some of the most wonderful souls in my surviving years and experience euphoria I never thought was possible. I got to spend the final weeks of my grandparents lives by their side, I have gotten to witness my sister bring another beautiful child into this world, and I have experienced so much love, it pains me to think that I almost gave it all up. But while there has been beauty, there has also been pain. I have watched loved ones die, I have seen dear friends take their own lives, I have watched my parents marriage crumble, it hasn't all been happiness and laughter. There have been tears, there has been anger, there has been confusion. That has not made my life any less beautiful.

If anything, I have learned to embrace the bad times in my life and view them as stepping stones toward an ultimate goal. I am not yet sure of that goal, but I am sure that it will be bright and beautiful. I was not given a second chance to sit in silence, I was given a chance for a reason. I will find my reason, I will work towards the place I need to be.

I shouldn't be here, but I am. So I am using this chance right now to share with you. To anyone who is struggling to make it through, to anyone who is hurting, to anyone who doesn't want to go on any further, hold on just a little bit longer. The clouds will disperse, the rain will end. Don't risk the beautiful things coming to you, because they will come. It is okay to be sad, it is okay to feel like giving up, but also be aware that you can pick yourself up and you can make it.

And for those of you with friends who may be struggling, pay attention. There are signs. Be the rock when they are low, be the peace and love that comes through the darkness. Be a light. Be there. Suicide is something that happens way too often and so many times, it is preventable. No matter what side of the situation you are on, someone will get hurt. I promise a little discomfort on your end to ensure your loved ones are okay emotionally is so much better than never seeing their smiling face again. Suicide is real, but each and every one of you can help to minimize the pain it brings. Humanity can find an end to this epidemic, start the movement.