I have been biting my nails for months in anticipation of Nate Parker’s "The Birth of a Nation." I’ve never learned of Nat Turner in any history book and I was excited that there would be a movie about a real life slave revolt that occurred right here on American soil. I was happy that everyone would now have the opportunity to learn that all enslaved Africans were not docile and submissive in their inhumane treatment (I hear SOOO many southern white boys and girls say slavery wasn’t that bad, all masters didn’t beat their slaves and that ENSLAVED HUMAN BEINGS were actually happy being you know, ENSLAVED.) There were many brave descendants of Africans that fought back against the inhumanity that is slavery and sacrificed their lives in doing so. And because of their sacrifice we remember their names— just kidding! America often “forgets” to mention them, so you’ll rarely see them in any history book in the already very tiny little paragraphs your learn about what America wants to call “indentured servitude.” (it was slavery y’all, and while I’m at it, it was genocide not “manifest destiny”)

Needless to say, "The Birth of a Nation" is a massively important film that I am so proud a young black man made his duty to create, and sacrificed so much to be sure got done. The film has already done amazing at Sundance (where it landed the $17 million deal that put it in theaters) and is expecting Oscar noms come next year. Perfect right?

Wrong. The director, writer and star of the film — the undoubtedly gifted Nate Parker —was accused of raping a young woman when they were both attending Penn State in 1999. Nate was found not guilty, but now the allegations are newsworthy again. Why, you ask? Some conspiracy to bring the black man down (not gonna lie these probably exist)? Well, the young woman killed herself about four years ago and Nate Parker has a wildly successful film on his hands. That’s what makes these allegations relevant again.

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I was pained to hear this young woman’s story, though I wasn’t sure whether Mr. Parker had actually committed this heinous crime or not. I wanted to continue to support the film and I did, until I did some digging.

I read article after article including this one from Nate’s co-star in the film, Gabrielle Union, who is a survivor of rape herself and a woman I look up to. I read the some of the trial transcripts and really anything I could get my hands on (even a recorded phone call between Nate Parker and the alleged victim) via the internet, because I needed to know if this man who, merely months ago, I had so much respect for, was a rapist.

After all my research, I’m still not entirely sure, simply because I wasn’t in the room when this happened, but I also know that facts don’t change and people rarely do. I also know a young woman is gone and Nate is still here and doing extremely well for himself. I know that Nate’s friend and co-writer on the film, Jean Celestin, was THERE WITH HIM during the night in question, participated in sexual acts with the young woman (this they both admitted to with Mr. Parker calling it “unambiguously consensual” -- Sounds stupid right?) and was found guilty of raping her. He served about 6 months in jail (much, much shorter than the mandatory time required) because of the nice letters some of the faculty at Penn State wrote about him.

I do know both men made the decision to add a fictional rape into the film that (from what I’ve read) is the catalyst for Turner’s rebellion (again, FICTIONAL— read a little and you’ll discover Turner believed he was chosen by God for the revolt) and makes Mr. Parker, who of course plays Turner, seem like the avenger for a crime as horrible as rape. Now, the men could have been doing one to three things, or hell even all three.

1. Bringing light to the sexual abuse and rape countless enslaved African females received from the men who claimed to own them and the overseers.

2. Actively taking a stance and showing how the black man loves the black woman, understands the pain and disgrace she has been through historically and will do anything for her, even kill for her (a narrative missing in media today).

3. Or Mr. Parker could be glorifying himself by avenging the rape of a young woman in the film, though he (allegedly) committed one off screen many years ago. This would be hard to prove because I don’t know either man, but I know what it looks like and what the familyof the alleged victim feels. It’s possible Mr. Parker’s intentions were cruel or simply a creative choice that wasn’t well thought out given his past. Or maybe he thought it out, but simply didn’t care and wanted to tell this story the way he wanted anyway, which he has every right to do. It’s his art, though we have every right to agree or disagree with it.

I haven’t seen the film and though I had every intention to boycott it just a few days ago, Mr. Parker said something that really made me think. He said in a radio interview that people could say whatever they wanted about him, but the film is made and will live forever.

And this is true. So though the rape allegations against Mr. Parker should not go unnoticed and trouble me deeply, I do believe "Birth of a Nation" is a film that deserves recognition and support. Nat Turner’s story and rebellion deserved to be told, and will hopefully lead the way to a new era of strong, well-developed characters and narratives for people of color, but especially African Americans.

So, because this movie is bigger than Mr. Parker and his past deeds, I will be watching it. I know some people won’t understand this and won’t believe me when I say actually cried for this young woman even after hearing both the defense and prosecution's closing statements (defense, prosecution). After all the things I’ve read and now know, I only wish Mr. Parker had handled the “rediscovery” of the case more tactfully, because guilty or not, well-timed or not, conspiracy or not, dealt-with-in-the-past-no-need-to-talk-about-it-anymore, or not — a young woman, a freshman in college at the time, said she was raped. And the men she said did it walked away practically home free but her life is now lost forever.