I was recently talking to a friend and the topic of rekindling past flames came up. Not just romantically, but also say an old friendship.

Is it wise to give old relationships another try?

To text... or not to text that is the question. There are always those people we have in our lives that we just can never seem to let go of. Those people that leave a bitter taste in our mouth because of how things may have ended. You hear their name and your heart drops to your stomach and those rush of feelings you pushed aside come rushing back. But does that mean you should reach out and try again?

Well, my friend’s stance was, “I’m telling you from personal experience... things are in the past for a reason, it never works out when you try to rekindle the past. When looking in your past you’ll see fond memories, but not the flaws."

And I agree with the reasoning behind his conclusion. Things ARE in the past for a reason, but don’t things also change a lot with time? I don’t necessarily think that people stay the same over time and it’s possible that now, when both people have had time to grow, when they come back together, they fit more perfectly.

On the other hand, this change could create more distance between the two people. It could make it harder to reconnect, it could make them realize that they’re better apart.

But you know how people talk about that spark they have with the right people? That no matter how much time and space they’ve spent apart when they come together, the conversation still flows?? I think that’s really rare. And if you still have that after time apart, I think people like that belong in your life.

Sometimes people need to fall apart to fall back together. But that’s just my two cents.

Another thing I agree with is that when we look at the past, it's only looking back on the good memories. We tend to overlook the bad. That’s where the most mistakes happen in my opinion. You cannot forget the bad and only look at the good. It’s easy to get caught up in the good times, but it’s the bad times that really made you leave so it’s IMPERATIVE to take that into account.

So think about the bad times.

What did you fight about?

How did this person make you feel at your lowest?

Did they help you? Or did they put you down every chance they got?

Are the problems that drove you two apart still there?

Are you willing to let go of the hurt? Is the other person willing to do the same?

What makes this time more likely to work? What’s different now?

And has it changed for the better?

What do you hope to gain from reconnecting?

Will this benefit you positively?

What was missing from this relationship in the first place?

These are important questions to ask yourself before you decided to go back to someone in your past.

Also, don’t just think about how they treated you, think about how YOU treated THEM. Were you a positive addition in their life? Are they happier without you? Will you coming back only upset them? Are your intentions about coming back pure and thought out? How did you make them feel? Did you cause many problems? Are you now able to give this person what they initially needed from you?

You can’t just look at them because blame isn’t only placed on one person. There’s plenty to go around and you need to swallow your pride and own up to your shortcomings. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, we all have them.

On the topic of pride, let me do a quick little side note. DONT LET YOUR STUPID PRIDE GET IN THE WAY OF WHAT YOU WANT. If you truly want a relationship with someone to work, don’t let petty little things like PRIDE be the reason it doesn’t work.

Moving on, I’m notorious for saying “if something was important to you in the first place, you wouldn’t have let it go” but I now understand that it’s not that simple. Sometimes people haven’t grown into themselves and they meet at the wrong time. Sometimes there are so many other factors that determine the situation and the people aren’t ready to deal with the circumstances at all.

I’ve seen people fall apart only to come back stronger in the future. They both grew alone and then became the people the other person needed them to be. And when they reconnected, it was as if they didn’t miss a step.

I’ve also seen re connections crash and BURN. It just hashed open old wounds that didn’t need to be opened. It brought no good to either party, no matter how much they wanted it to work.

But this happened because the two parties didn’t know what they wanted or they weren’t ready to move on. They also weren’t on the same page as to what was going to happen moving forward.

So I really think it depends on the two people. Reconnecting can either be a great idea or the absolute WORST.

There are definitely people in my life that I miss but I wouldn’t go back to for anything, there are others that I would love to give another chance, and then there are the ones I hope I’ll never have to deal with again. It’s all relative because each relationship is different, you just have to decide whether the person is worth it.

I say if you really miss the person, your intentions are pure, you’re willing to listen/stay to work things out, and the spark is there, then go for it!

But if not, maybe staying away is the best thing for the both of you. Good will come from it, just give yourself time to heal.

Keep in mind that sometimes people leave your life so that someone better can come along and it may hurt, but everything does happen for a reason.