If you are anything like me you may find yourself apologizing for quite literally everything. I find the words “I’m sorry” running out of my mouth at every turn. It has come to the point where the words are starting to lose their meaning. Am I really sorry ? I don’t know. I just know I feel some sort of bad for whatever is being talked about or transpiring. But really, it has gotten out of hand. I will always be the first to apologize in any sort of argument, even if I still feel I am not in the wrong, half the time this leads to me never receiving any sort of apology, which can be frustrating. Even my own apologies have lost their meaning because they have simply become part of my identity. If someone says anything slightly negative about anything my immediate -almost involuntary- response is (you guessed it):
“I’m sorry”.
“I’m sorry but..”
“I’m sorry if I do this/that..”
“”I’m sorry I’m just tired/hungry/bored…”
“I’m sorry I don’t have makeup on please don’t judge me…”
“I’m sorry for (everything)...”
Theses "sorrys" are not prompted, they are not expected from me nor do they really ever make any situation better, there are so many better, more uplifting words I could choose from, yet "sorry" is my default. Why do I do that? Why do I inadvertently place some blame onto my shoulders when it really does not belong there? To a lot of people, this probably does not seem like a big deal, or a problem at all. It's just manner, politeness. I acknowledge the fact that I need to stop apologizing for merely existing, because honestly, that can not be good for my self-esteem. It's time to replace old habits with new ones, own up to my mistakes, and allow apologies to regain sincerity, rather than a response out of habit.
