My Experience with The Book

I have read this book twice in my life. Once, when I was deeply entrenched in my eating disorders and again when I was in active recovery. The first time I read it I was in high school. I found it on a forum on MyProAna and downloaded it in PDF and consumed the entire book over the course of two days. It was the closest feeling I had to someone actually understanding how I felt! The book became a dear,consoling friend. No matter how awful things got, I knew Marya understood and made it through life. It helped me understand why I felt the way I felt as I let my life get knocked back and forth by bulimia and anorexia.

By the time I was a sophomore in college, I voluntarily admitted myself into intensive inpatient and completed the program along with some outpatient therapy. About one year after all that treatment I got married and my husband asked me if there was any literature that could help him deal with my benign, but persistent eating disorder. When I got married I was still occasionally throwing up and had difficulty eating, but I wasn't losing weight. I told him to read Wasted as a way to understand how I felt about what I did and why I did it, despite knowing my actions hurt myself and everyone that loved me. He read the first couple chapters and had to put it down. He found the book depressing and without solutions, although, it did give him insight into the mind of someone with an ED. At that point, I decided to read it too and see if my perspective on the book had changed now that I was no longer looking for inspiration and community to support malnutrition. I was a new person, I wanted to see if it felt like reading a new book.
When I read it the second time, there were many moments when I wanted to cry for myself for being so cruel to myself, for letting myself sit in all that suffering and shut out hope. It was like a flashback of all the pain I had been through and I found it affirming in my progress. It was completely unlike the first time. Back when I first read it, it felt like I was right there with her, starving through lunch, throwing up behind my parents backs etc. In high school, it felt like her life and my life was really "our life". It was as if her book was living through me, and since she didn't die and got to have a fairly normal life at the end, I knew I could have that too. After treatment, I've come to find that I can have more than just a normally painful life. Two years into my recovery, and my life has more happiness than I thought I ever deserved. But, I had to first know that it was possible to just get back to living before I could embrace loving life, and Marya's story did that for me.

The Critics

What initially brought about this article was I read all the bad reviews on Amazon's most bought version of the book. I will try my best to paraphrase and summarize my findings. The complaints were broken down into people who had not actually read the book, other authors trying to use the comment section as an advertisement for their own books, and people who honestly found the book triggering and bad for recovery. The people who actually were offended and upset about the material had either eating disorders or where close to someone who had an eating disorder. My favorite dissenters were the ones that wouldn't admit they had an ED, but somehow found the book triggering.
There were also people who simply hated her writing style, they complained about the lack sequence and structure and how the book had no real ending.There were those who said the book was just a rambling pity-party with too much bragging and blaming. There were also some strong warnings from health professionals saying this book is not allowed in treatment and should not be read by anyone struggling with an eating disorder. If you are deciding to read this book or not, a genuine critique that must be considered is that some people thought this book was glorifying and encouraging eating disorders. Despite my bias, I do have to admit that they have a valid point and this book could easily be perceived and used as pro-eating disorder material.

How You Should and Should Not Approach This Book

In defense of Marya's book, I would like to point out to all the professional writer critics that this book is a MEMIOR, that was filed using the limited genres we have under "bibliography" and "autobiography". Therefore, you cannot hold it to the same literary standards as a biography or autobiography. She even says she is a college drop out in the book! It's not like she was trying to write a critically acclaimed book as a model for English writing. It's more of a diary than a standard book.

Another thing that bothered me about the tone of her critics was a lot of them read the book looking for a role model. Marya is not a role model! She never claimed to be either! She is a survivor and this is her story. It's just a story, it is not an inspirational recovery manual. Is there triggering content that could worsen someone's ED condition? Certainly, but here's the thing, are you really going to get mad at someone because their life triggered you? You cannot blame her for your reaction to her truth. Instead of attacking her, evaluate the reason behind your feelings. Why do you feel triggered? This book is about her, but your reaction is about yourself. Often times, it's easier and natural to blame, rather than to find out why you accuse.

As Someone Who Has or Had an ED, Should I Read It?

There are so many triggering things and the only way to survive is to get stronger, not hide and block out that part of reality. When I read this book the first time I think it did help me embrace my eating disorder, but, it also let me see all the contradictions and lies I was selling myself on. It was illuminating and comforting. It definitely didn't inspire me to change or get help but, it made me see what made sense and what didn't about my eating disorder. When I read it the second time, I didn't wish I was back in that ED mindset, starving and purging my life away. I was just thankful I wasn't doing those horrible things anymore and it lead me to think about advice I would have given myself back in those dark times. It inspired me to write more solution-oriented eating disorder material.

So, should you read it? The simple answer is know yourself. A lot of things will trigger you to relapse and this could be one of them. On the same note, it could be mind-opening if you're strong enough to see the bigger picture. What I'm trying to say is, you see what you are looking for. If you are looking for "thinspiration" and weight loss hacks, that is all you will take away from this book. If you're looking to see why you think the way you do or why you feel or don't feel, you will come away with a deeper understanding of self.

To the Parents of Children that Have Eating Disorders

If you are a parent trying to decide if your child with an eating disorder should read this, they probably already did. Teenagers usually do exactly opposite of what you tell them. As hard as you try, you cannot censor all the material your child ingests. If your kid is actually awaiting your approval, then you need to have a sit-down talk with them to discern your kid's motivation for wanting to read this. Of course they won't say, "I'm trying to get better at having an eating disorders and I believe this book will help". I don't even know what a good reason to read this book would be, if you don't want to get rid of your ED. If your child is going to therapy and treatment I would recommend asking the approval of their therapist and using this book as a instrumental part of therapy. The kid can read chapters and discuss how it made them feel with a professional. That would be a great scenario! But, if your child won't or can't tell you why they want to read it and they are not getting help with their ED, it is pretty safe to assume they will be using the book to further their eating disorder.

If you are parents that have never had eating disorders, and you read this book, don't attack the content out right because your child could take that as you attacking him/her indirectly. As parents, you need to do all you can to keep open communication. If your child gets the feeling that you hate Marya and what she does in the book, they won't feel like telling you what they're secretly doing and silently going through because they think you will have the same reaction. Kids are smart, a lot of times they bring up hypothetical situations to see how you would react to the real one and then decide from there whether to share information or not. Another eye opening thing about the book is you see how Marya's parents fit into her eating disorder and it will make you more aware about the things you're doing that could be influencing your child's eating disorder. Don't get defensive, just try to listen without an emotional reaction. You don't have to get mad for your child to know what they did was wrong, you just have to not encourage it and offer an alternative. My therapist once told me when I tried to absolve my parents of having anything to do with my ED that, "You don't get here all by yourself" and on the same note, recovery is about healing and the whole family.

Deeper Insights for Parents Outside of the BookYou cannot be your kid's doctor, but you can be and, you need to be their support system. Leave the healing up to the professionals, trust me, you're good intentional force-feeding is actually make the problem worse. It's not your fault because you don't know, it would be like asking a carpenter to perform surgery. You can't fix the problem, you can only not make it worse and create a healing environment. The best thing for you to do is send your kid to a long-term treatment center and educate yourself on what to not say to someone with and ED. My parents loved me and never wanted to hurt me but they did, and it's not even their fault, they just didn't know what to do. No one really knows how to cure an eating disorder and this book doesn't have the solutions either, but it does have insight.

Lastly, eating disorders thrive in secrecy and can be very hard to detect. Remember, you don't have to be skinny or a teenage girl to have an eating disorder, I saw some men and all kinds of women in treatment. Eating disorders do not discriminate and can ruin anyone, despite their upbringing and apparent success in life.