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I Should Have Loved You First

If I had to do it again, I would have chosen you first.

Leslie Carroll

Feb 27, 2017

Birmingham, Alabama

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Everyone is searching for something or someone.
Either for who they are, who they want to be, or who they want to be with.
We are all lost and in need of something or someone to follow.

If I had to do it again, I would have chosen you first.

The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you” Psalms 32:8 (NLT)
If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. Jeremiah 29:13 (NLT)

All my life I’ve spent looking for something, or someone to complete me.
I have been longing to have someone fill parts of my heart that felt empty.
It wasn’t until the last few years I have found that no one can do that for me.
We are all human and we all fail.
No one will ever be enough for me; no one but Jesus.

Knowing what I know now about who I am and whose I am; I wish I could start over.
I would have fallen in love with the one who created me.
I would have followed his word and his love story for my life.
I would have found myself secure in his love for me instead of desperately seeking approval and love from others around me.

The thing about life is there are no do-overs.
You only have one life to live.
I know I haven't always gotten it right, and that will never change, but from here on out I am deciding to love you first.
I am choosing to set you as number one in my life.
I won't chase after someone or something else, and I won't turn to anyone who isn't chasing after you too.

Search me oh God, and know my heart;
Test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything that offends you
and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139: 23-24 (NLT)

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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I Should Have Loved You First

If I had to do it again, I would have chosen you first.

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All names should be "unisex names."

1. Communicating via email can be awkward.

2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.

3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.

4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.

5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.

6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.

7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.

8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”

9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.

10. People are surprised when they see you.

11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.

12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.

13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.

You know that all of these things apply to you. You'll just never tell.

I get it... I'm pale.

1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!

2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.

3. Can't you just get fake tan?

4. Do you tan or just burn?

5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!

6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!

8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!

9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.

10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??

11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!

12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!

13. You need to get some sun.

14. Aren't you excited for summer?

The struggle bus is real.

1. Child prodigies:

2. Hearing other musicians in the practice room next door and accepting that you will never be as talented as them:

3. That anxiety that takes over before every performance:

4. Taking a million 0 credit classes:

5. When there's a paper due the next day, but you have to attend yet another concert in order to pass a 0 credit class:

6. When your friends try to encourage you after a performance, even though you are criticizing everything in your mind:

7. Knowing that there's always that one professor during juries:

8. The oh-so-attractive band/choir uniforms:

9. Realizing that a college campus is maybe not the best atmosphere to finish your latest composition:

10. Hearing "Oh, you sing opera? I LOVE Phantom of the Opera!" for the hundredth time:

11. When people think finals week is a breeze for you.

12. When you're drowning in the stress that comes with 18+ credits (and not to mention all those 0 credit classes) and people ask you how you are:

13. When it all comes down to it, though, you know that at the end of the day, music is your passion:

Because you need it in your life.

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6. holds arm against your arm Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. holds pale arm against another pale arm Aw, at least you're darker than her!

10. adjusts selfie lighting to their face Oops, where'd you go??

11. after working out Your face is SO red!

12. wears white Look! You're all one color!