Lots of people have collections of things. Some people collect stamps. Others collect coins. Comedian Ralphie May collects mullets. I recently realized that I have no collections of things, and decided to change that. So I considered the things I enjoy trying to find something to collect, and then it dawned on me. My collection had really already begun, I just didn't realize it.

For the past year, I have been subconsciously collecting amazing 80's rock music videos. When MTV premiered in 1981 it caused an explosion of music videos, and because it was the 80's, things got weird. Today I have one of my favorite music videos to show you, here's a shot-by-shot breakdown.

"Rock of Ages" - Def Leppard

Released in 1983, Rock of Ages is one of Def Leppard's most well-known songs. Here's the video:

This video was the first of my amazing 80's rock music video collection, and I think it sets the standard of what we should expect out of a music video. The first thing to note is the robed figures. What is their purpose here? I guess we'll find out.

Next, note is the dramatic zoom in on the owl.

Typically in cinematography you use zooms to draw attention to a specific thing in the shot. This indicates we should keep an eye on this owl. This zoom in generates interesting questions, such as "why is there an owl?" and "what is the purpose of that owl?"

Next, we see what appears to be a chess match between a woman and one of the robed figures from earlier.

Chess usually symbolizes manipulation of people, as if the character playing is playing the people themselves in a game. Surely all of this symbolism is important to the story being told.

Next, as I'm sure you all noticed, the woman tied to the tree.

. How did she go from playing chess to being tied to the tree? Was that the price for losing? I'm sure we'll find out soon.

Dramatic zoom! She must be important!

Ah, she's thinking of the singer, so we have a connection established now! Is the story coming together?

Well... no. We revisit our dramatic zoom-ins on both the woman and the owl. Then we get random shots of... symbolism? I guess? Also, butt shaking.

Smashing a wine goblet, more deep symbolism! Where are you taking us Def Leopard? What secrets will you reveal?

Next, we see this shot.

Jesus Def Leopard, the girl is right in front of you, and you're just playing your song. Come on guys, seriously. Do you want her to be tied up? Are you the bad guys here? So many questions!

The music video continues fairly normally with the band just playing their song in front of a helpless woman. Until the 2 minute mark, and suddenly there's a sword. Note the length of the sword in the first shot.

The sword is about the length of the lead singer's height, so roughly 6 feet long. Now look at the next shot.

Still about the same length. What about the next one?

Jesus, dude, your sword is literally 12 feet long now.

Note the imagery in this shot. The strong, cold lighting to either side of the singer evokes a sense of power, while the woman back-lit with green promotes a sense of mystery, keeping well within the theme of the video. Also the sword is a metaphor for his penis.

Now remember the woman from earlier? Turns out the band was working on that. Here's the peni....sword.

Which then turns into a guitar, I guess?

The guitarist then uses this new guitar to shred the song's solo and...

Voila! The woman is freed! Turns out it only took pulling a sword from a stone, turning the sword into a guitar, and then using the power of ROCK to free her. Good job fellas!

So the band turned out to be the good guys after all! They continue playing...

SWORD!

Band...

SWORD!

Where did he get another sword? The first one became a guitar through the power of phallic imagery!

The band takes the song home, and the video makes reference to some of it's earlier symbols.

Apparently, the woman is still playing chess. Now I have even more questions! Did your previous game end? Did you get tied up before finishing? Why are you playing chess with the same guy who presumably chained you to the tree in the first place? I guess the band as extra sword-penis-guitars if she gets caught again...

The smashed goblet from earlier returns, and reforms itself. I guess that symbolizes the unbreakable will of Def Leopard? Sure.

The video finishes with the lead singer triumphantly posing as the song ends.

And now we wrap the video up with a slow zoom in....

aaaaannnnnd......

Freeze! Perfect. What an ending!

...

But wait!

I guess we're ending with the burning tree then...

So, that's the video. Some questions remain. For example, what was the purpose of the owl? It was shown not once, but twice, and received a dramatic zoom in each time. Dramatic zoom ins are reserved for important scenes, like how every shot of the woman was a dramatic zoom, she was important! What is that owl doing there?!

Also, why the tree? Or the chess match? Or the goblet? Def Leopard, you have left us with more questions than answers! I need to know what happened to the freaking owl!