Here is a one shot short story that I wrote some time back. It is a little bit sad, but sometimes that can be refreshing when it comes to writing real world things. I won't give much away about the story, but it is through one woman's point a view and there are some flashbacks through it so that it does set the tone of the story. Hope you all enjoy!
I Can Do This
By: Katherine Reed
While looking through the window admiring the distant mountains except I still felt a bit claustrophobic with the sight of them. I put my hand over my stomach, or I guess my womb. There would never be a child to grow in there. No matter how many times I tried to get pregnant through natural ways or from modern medicine, pregnancy was never going to happen to me. Yes, of course, I could be a mother through other means, but it wouldn’t be the same as carrying my own child. Or even carrying his child.
God, telling him that we couldn’t get pregnant was going to rip my soul out of my body. It was bad enough that I had to hear the bad news from my doctor, now I have relive it by telling him. He was so looking forward to have a kid; I knew especially that he wanted a boy. Oh how wish I could give him a boy.
***
“I have some not so great news…” The doctor said, when sitting down.
My heart quickened. I had the lost the child, I just knew it. But at least we could try for another one…right?
“I hate to tell you this but it seems as though you have lost the child…”
I nodded, holding back tears that would probably never come. I looked into her eyes and waited for her to tell me, “Even though this is horrid news now, there is still the possibility for you to have another.”
***
But those words would not exit her mouth.
I turned my head away from the memory.
“The wait is killing me,” I muttered.
I was pacing in the living room, waiting for him to come from work. It wouldn’t be for another few hours; I could do this. I could tell him without a problem.
Why was I so worried about telling him? He would still want me…wouldn’t he?
***
“I’m so happy that we are going to have a baby! A little person that is the perfect mix of me and you,” he exclaimed!
I smiled at him while caressing my womb. I was still so amazed that the test came back positive. It was still super early in time to be for sure that we were pregnant, but it was still so exciting to finally see a positive sign.
“I’ll have to make an appointment with my doctor to find out a hundred percent sure.”
He looked at me still with so much happiness; I’d get pregnant a hundred times to just see that much joy on his face every single day.
“I can’t believe it’s finally happening regardless,” he said, kissing me.
I kissed him back. We had been trying for so long and it was finally within our destiny to have a child.
***
Oh, how I love him. Oh, how I wish that day could have lasted for ages. Oh, how I wish all of this was still in our destiny.
More pacing, more pacing. Only a couple more hours, I can do this, right?
“I can do this,” I reassured myself out loud.
He will still love me.
He will still want to stay with me…
He will…
He will...
***
I felt a cramp in my stomach. It was no ordinary cramp that I had ever felt before. There was something wrong with my body, I could tell. I shut my eyes against the pain I was feeling. My heart dropped with one singular thought when the cramp surpassed briefly. Another cramp rolled through my abdomen but with much more force. God, no. Please, no.
I cautiously put my hand between my legs, I was afraid of what I would feel when I brought it up to the front of my face. This was supposed to be my hope, his joy, our life renewed.
“Please God, don’t let it be what I think it is,” I prayed.
I opened my eyes, looking at my hand.
My heart dropped at the sight of blood.
***
I looked at the same hand now; the tips had been covered in blood briefly this morning. Tears sprung in my eyes with the memory and the rush of the day. I had briefly texted him saying that I was going to the doctor but not why I was. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that something was wrong.
We needed that child so bad.
***
I waited for the doctor to continue with the news, hoping to hear her say that we could have another child. These things happen to women every day, sometimes even more than once, and then they go on to have many healthy children.
“Where we had taken some tests earlier and even though you did get pregnant this time, it seems as though you will not be able to have children,” she said gravely.
“What do you mean? I was able to get pregnant though,” I said silently.
“Yes I know, which was a miracle, considering you had been trying so hard to get pregnant. These things happen sometimes. Your body is just not able to home a child, along with you having a 'hostile' uterus, which is something you did know before you got pregnant.”
Nodding was my only response while looking at her so dumbfounded; this just didn’t make sense.
“I’m so sorry, sweetie. I know this is a lot to take in, especially after hearing the other news. Take as much time as you need, and please feel free to talk to me or ask any questions that you may have. I will be outside if you would like to have minute to yourself. Again, I am very sorry to have to tell you all this.” She then got up and left the room.
I stayed sitting on the table looking down at my hands and my now empty stomach. I couldn’t believe it, I just couldn’t.
***
I still couldn’t.
I kept laying my hand over my womb, hoping that I could will the life back into it.
I had finally stopped pacing the living room, but now I was in our room looking at everything. I picked up a few things along the way of my frantic feelings. There was still an hour left to wait for him to come home.
I could do this.
I continued cleaning our room while trying to avoid any more memories. Everything was beginning to go into its rightful place. Some things would go into a few bags here and there and the rest would be put in the closet or dressers. Some things got pulled out of the drawers and closet to be placed in the bags, but things in the bags would end up being put back in their usual rightful place. I avoided the bottom drawer of the dresser though, there was nothing in it except for one little onesie. It was a Mountaineer onesie that he had brought home a few days ago; he said he couldn’t resist buying it because he could imagine teaching our child to love our home state’s football team. They’ll have ‘Mountain Momma’ blood in them, so they’re gonna naturally love the Mountaineers, he had told me. But I couldn’t bear to look at that onesie now, it would only remind me of what couldn’t be.
I looked at my watch. A half hour to go. Yeah, I could do this.
Now I walked to the kitchen to clean some things in there. I set out a pen and a post-it note on the island table. Then I began to put the clean dishes away, along with putting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. With the dishwasher full and running, I took the rest of the time to wash the handmade cups and plastic ware in the sink.
***
We were standing in the kitchen speaking of baby names while doing the dishes. I had just come home from the doctor with great news, I was indeed pregnant. He had started to tear up when I told him the news over dinner. The joy that showed on his face made my heart burst with happiness. I wish I could come home every day with news that gave him that much joy.
“How about ‘Veronica’ if it is a girl and ‘Vladimir’ if it is a boy?” He said. He was busy drying the dishes that I handed to him.
“Vladimir? Seriously? You want to name it ‘Vladimir’ if it is a boy? We’re not vampires, dear,” I told him.
“Well, we are pretty powerful people and we do believe in great strength. Plus we always joked about ruling the whole world one day.”
I didn’t understand why he brought up our running joke of ruling the world. That joke is what got us connected when we first started dating, and now here we are married with a child on the way. What was his connection?
“Your point?”
“Vladimir means 'universal ruler.' Why not name our first born son something that brought us together as a couple in more ways than one.”
“So, you want to name our child after a joke?”
He then looked me in the eye and said, “No, I want to name him after the reason why I fell in love with his mother.”
***
I smiled at that memory even though it made my heart ache terribly.
There was now five minutes left. Any minute now he would be coming in through the front door and asking why I went to the doctor today.
I played with the post-it notes in my hand while looking back out at the distant mountains, no longer feeling claustrophobic. My nerves were finally locked down.
I heard his car pull up in the drive way.
I could do this…
There was the slamming of his car door.
I can do…
There was the jingle of his keys as he walked to the door.
I can…
Now was the sound of the key making its way into the lock.
I can do this. I can, I really can. I can, I can, I can…
I can’t do this.
I placed the post-it notes back down on the counter and walked to the back door. I grabbed my bag off the ground and made my way out of the door. I whispered “I’m so sorry,” as I walked out.
He was now in the house, calling out for me. He walks to the kitchen to where he thought he heard me just moments ago. He then begins to search all over the house but never finding. He then goes back to the kitchen to look down on the island counter to see the post-it and reads it.
I’m so sorry, I can’t do this.
