Love u & see u soon

"I look like shit," was the only thought I had as I gazed into my blackened computer screen. My hair was messy and greasy and I wore the old beat-up gym shorts I went to bed in. I didn’t even try to cover up the large gray bags under my eyes or clean the dried vomit from the corners mouth. I was writing an essay, some old war stories for the subject. I loved school, and I really loved history but lately my GPA has dropped to a frightening 1.85. I was kept busy a lot lately by reading, walking, always playing my iPod or playing a dose of Buckley or creepy pasta videos. I hate silence because it gives me time to think. Think of how my life is spiraling out of control, and I am slowly getting sucked into a world of shit.

It all started a few weeks ago, my long-time boyfriend and I had split up yet again due to his inability to keep his fucking pants zipped. I called him and asked him to forgive me for my outburst, this was a normal banter. He however wouldn’t accept saying that I was the one not to be trusted, and I was a person he never really loved, just some late night fun. I began to see what I believed were psychosomatic stress responses: sleeping too much, living off ginger ale and soda crackers, and having a very hard time staying focused. After about week I’d began to pull myself out of this funk, found a nice guy online. He was a little older, not bad looking with steady work and a little boy. This was a bit of a deterrent but I thought, "What the hell..." We liked System, Nirvana, TOOL, and Sick Puppies. One night he came to my place with a pizza and we watched adult cartoons until about 4 AM. I thought that my biggest worry would be my father finding a strange man on his sofa when he got up for work. I was dead wrong. After my company left, I fell asleep again until about nine that morning. I was awoken by my phone’s spaceship text tone. The message was from a number I hadn’t seen before and it read “R U GONNA SLEEP W HIM?” I didn’t know how anyone even knew I had a friend over, I hadn’t said anything to anyone other than my mom for permission. I was brushed it off assuming it may have been a mistext and didn’t want to cause any fights between a couple so I didn’t respond.

A few days pass normally, mostly school work and family time. When I was in a writing class, my phone let off a crazy noise. However, I didn’t want to draw more notice to myself so I didn’t answer. I did look later that night after I returned home. “What about the baby?” I again assumed it was some weird couple fight meant for another woman. Upon a family visit and a great night with my friend, I crashed out around three. I had been alone for a few hours. My phone rang in it’s normal squeaky tone. I answered the phone and had a rather indulgent conversation, the details of which escape me, but it ended with “I miss u and will see you soon.” Whether I was drowsy, hung over or both, I can’t be sure, but I thought the voice on the other end was a friend and possible budding romance. Without thinking, I went to my contacts and texted back a simple “goodnight J.” I went to bed smiling.

I looked at the number on my caller ID I didn’t know the number, I had figured still that maybe he had borrowed someone else’s phone to call as he worked the graveyard shift and would get out shortly before I received the call. Upon our convocation he seemed very upset and said that he had his son and wouldn’t have called. That was what we had agreed upon. This did creep me out and left my friend very upset and confused. I was unnerved but decided it was probably a drunk dial, and to let it go, I was slightly embarrassed .

The next day it happened again, the text said, “u wonna play???” I shouldn’t have replied but my curiosity got the better of me, and I texted back, I said, "where u 4m?" "NJ, NY or RI u pick," was the response. The next text said, "Does he like that zipper looking scar on your back? I sure do." This was just scary that scar isn’t even visible in my skimpy purple bathing suit. I’m not the type to have one night stands or post slutty pictures online. This is scary, I had made a great amount to cover my tracks, never posting online pics on the days that I would receive the messages, never again tagged a friend of family member in an online posts or made any trips even to the school vending machine without a buddy.

Mid-terms came about and the texts got so frequent that I had to put my phone on airplane mode to get a few meager hours of sleep, and would normally shove my phone in to the bottom of my huge leather purse. I decided to take a day off when my mid-terms ended, after a long nap I put on some comfy clothes, and went with my grandma to see a movie something stupid and claymation. I was just going to relax, I tried my best to enjoy the film and my dinner of popcorn and soda but I kept looking around to see if any of the male movies goers were looking at me. Of course they weren’t. There was a man about thirty who was helping a little blonde girl hold a popcorn box. Two young kids were on a date, holding hands. The boy looking very bored, I decided that they must have been there because they weren’t old enough to get into anything else, and the last was a guy in a generic black urban style hat, walking alongside a cute curvy Mexican girl. I brushed myself off and went into the bathroom to fix my makeup and relieve myself of the soda. I went into a couple stores just for fun, looking at adorable purses I couldn’t afford and wondering around chatting with my family until we made it to the SUV the mid-twilight parking lot. I went home listening to the radio a little too loud. This was the happiest I’d been in a while It was about a fifteen minute drive home a drive through a lot of trees which blackened the sky and made the winding hills seem even more frightening than they normally seemed. I became unsettled again. I made it home safe and was fine other than the fact that I had to pee again and had some popcorn crumbs on my black t-shirt and ripped faded jeans, I arrived in the driveway of my house which was right in the center of our small town, my mom came and hurried me into the house. I turned to go into the rest room, and it wasn’t until I had washed my hands that I realized my Yorkie hadn’t greeted me yet. As I walked into the kitchen, I saw her tiny ears erect as she was peering out the window almost standing guard silently. I heard shuffling footsteps in the kitchen and all the house became dark. I made a somewhat snarky comment, about almost tripping over the dog. My mom said, "Don’t turn on the lights, and don’t turn on the TV either." I just sat on the floor cradling my slightly panicked lap dog, who was shaking in my lap. I heard my sister quietly shuffle across the floor. She sat down beside me quietly and said, “He’s still out there just past our steps.”