It's crazy to think that I've only been living for a short 19 years (almost 20). I'll be honest. It's felt like forever to get to where I am today. I mean so many years have gone by and I finally feel like now I'm starting to understand the bigger things in life. I can understand the importance of a single moment. Although I've spent all these years learning and living, I feel like I only know so little about myself. I'm not mad about that at all. I kind of love it.
I mean, I feel like just recently I have discovered what kind of face soap works well with my skin, the fact that I love candles, extra chunky peanut butter, and that I am not 100% confident; but, there are so many things I don't know about myself. Like what I actually want to do when I graduate, what my favorite type of tea is, or why I like to disagree with people even if I actually agree with them (I'm extra like that). Thinking about this, I was a little surprised. I thought, how can I be certain about so little things in my life? Is it normal to feel like you still don't understand yourself at this point in your life? I'm not entirely sure of the answer; but, to me, it doesn't matter. Life is a journey. A journey to find love, find meaning, explore your dare-devil side, and to understand yourself too.
The truth is, I love that I have untouched places in my soul and mind that I have yet to discover. I'm not ashamed that I don't know a lot about myself, that sometimes I rethink my goals, and have the urge to just change everything for the hell of it. Because, sometimes, structure isn't good. Sometimes goals are meant to be challenged and rethought. Sometimes an event will happen where you realize that you're a lot different than your perception of yourself. That's all okay because life, Earth, even stocks change every day, and you follow that same pattern. There are going to be things that you discover within yourself that others can't fathom.
There will also be things that other people can see in you that you cannot see. That's the beauty of it all. No one should waste their time trying to "find themselves." From what I've experienced, is that you'll find tiny details of yourself by putting yourself in situations and experiences. You can only know that you don't like coffee if you've actually tasted it, right? To get deeper, when you realize you don't actually want to major in Biology after you've worked in a lab (guilty). Maybe that's why I don't know much about myself because of my lack of experience in many aspects of life? (just a theory). Take the time to understand and listen to your emotions. Grow from your experiences. In reality, no one knows themselves perfectly; and, that's A-okay.
