Ah, finally payday. Where all of your hard work shows on that small stub of paper. Some people use paychecks to take care of their bills, while others use it to go out and party. However, some people like to take big risks by using their paychecks at...Target. Target is a store that seems to be sent straight from heaven. They have everything a person needs and then some. Approaching Target is a dangerous thing. You might have a small list of things you need to get, or walk in out of curiosity. Either way, you're lucky if that beautiful paycheck you just got is still alive when you leave the store.
Here is the process of shopping at Target as told by "The Office:"
Making your list to go to the store:
Arriving at Target:
Take it all in. The sights, the smells, the sounds...Oh! A new line of t-shirts! I know you definitely picked up that 'Peace and Yoga' shirt even though there are a thousand stressors weighing you down, and you certainly haven't been to yoga class in weeks. Stay focused on what you came for!
Circling the store once or twice:
As if you haven't been to Target over two dozen times, you lap around it two times to get a feel for what's new and what's rearranged. This process takes a good twenty minutes at the least. You better push that dinner reservation back, you'll be here for a while.
Becoming thirsty/hungry:
Sure, you could get a bottle of water at checkout or wait for dinner to eat. But that's too easy! Plus, look at the small food-court...The soft drink and popcorn are calling your name. Who says you don't have a minute to stop and replenish? Treat yourself!
Buying snacks:
Maybe you had a few snacks on your list, but nothing compared to what resides in your cart right now. Also, for the record, no, you did NOT need to buy pizza flavored Pringles and Cheez-Its when there's already pizza flavored Goldfish in there. If you're like me, every time you go to Target, you buy a bag full of cool and new snacks to try.
New makeup:
This one is for my makeup fanatics. Of course if you're a make-up lover like myself, you like to have the newest colors or test the newest products that arrive on the shelf. However, at Target, you could see things you've seen before and just be impressed by placement, or see it on a worker and want it instantly. Now, you have enough makeup to draw on a whole army, and the large range of Chapstick flavors in your cart is too real.
Making new friends:
Oh, wow, would you look at that! A woman around your age is looking at the same things you were walking toward. Naturally, while browsing the shelves, you strike up a conversation and end up gaining a new friend. They may live near you or be in one of your classes, and you never even knew it!
Your cart gets too heavy:
Okay, so you've circled the store a whopping four times in total, and you're about to do your last lap around to make sure you're done. By this point, your cart is so heavy that you can barely even push it yourself. However, you really don't want to take out the cases of water, the new decorations for your room, or even the baby diapers and bottles you bought for that one aunt that you have to send a baby shower gift to. Well, you could always use some extra arm muscle!
The holiday decorations:
Alright, add ANOTHER twenty minutes on to how much time you've already taken up. Whether it be Halloween, Christmas, Easter, or summer time, you always find yourself stuck in that back corner excitedly looking through those holiday shelves. The candy is appealing and often ends up in your cart. You take a bunch of pictures of the decorations and send them to your family, friends, or roomies, usually captioned, 'We have to get this!' Everything that can be interacted with, will be.
Checkout:
It's finally time to checkout, and your cart has too many items for the speedy line. Self checkout strikes your fancy because you don't feel like being judged by a worker on what you bought, but no one wants to scan and bag a bunch of items on their own. Therefore, you jump into a regular line. While waiting, you usually end up buying a new magazine, some gum, and some chocolate. While the worker bags your items, you struggle to fit everything back into your cart.
Leaving the store:
You made it out! However, you don't even want to check your bank account. Rest in piece to your fresh paycheck because it was gone about two Chapstick tubes and three Oreos packages ago. At this point, you wish you had a personal servant who could not only hold all these bags, but Tetris them into your car for you.
Promises:
On the drive home, you definitely look in your rear-view and often get a sight of the bags from the store. There are many promises made while you drive. One promise being never to spend that much again unless you have to, but deep down, you know that your next work shifts are going directly to Target.
Going home to make another list:
After settling in and unloading your bags, you sit down with your coffee as you go through the mail. The last thing you see is next week's circular for Target. Before you know it, you're already making the list for the next time you get paid.
Hopefully I summed up your trips to Target pretty well, because I really don't want to be the only one that does this. I guess I can safely say I have a Target addiction, and I bet you can too. Anyone up for getting the Target logo tattooed with me?
