On Thanksgiving day, a disturbing event took place in New York, my current place of residence. In the early hours of the national holiday, a shooting of four people occurred in one of New York’s LGBTQ safe spaces. In Rocks Nightclub in Albany at around 2 am, a man opened fire inside the club, killing one man and injuring three others. The shooter has not been caught, and the identities of the victims have not been revealed. The three other victims who sustained injuries are expected to live (x).

In the wake of the Orlando Nightclub shooting earlier this year, it is fair to say why I was so shaken by this news. As an out bisexual, transgender person it is hardly a mystery as to why gay bars have become less of a sanctuary to me and more of a test of my own courage. Though some may have moved on after the incident, I think about the victims of that attack every day. While I would like to say that I solely think of the incident with honor towards the victims and the loved ones of the attack, my primary thoughts accompanied are those of fear. Though I think often of the victims and their families, my main thoughts when I remember the attack are when will it happen to me?

The Orlando shooting implanted a sense of anxiety towards what had once felt like sanctuaries. Normally, I only feared for my safety as an LGBT person when in a space where I was clearly surrounded by bigots or potentially ignorant people, or even when walking down the street in a city I didn’t know. After the shootings, that anxiety followed me into the bars and clubs which I had previously considered safe and fun. It could even be said, ironically, that my fear of being attacked as an LGBT person increases while inside gay bars and clubs now.

The recent shooting reminds me that we are still not safe. It has been half a year since the attack in Orlando, but LGBT people are no less under attack than we were then. I’m frustrated with the New York community and their silence on this recent attack and I’m frustrated that our laws against open carry have done nothing to prevent this tragedy. I’m frustrated that many people will shrug this event off because it didn’t make mainstream news, I’m devastated that another person was killed in an LGBT space, and I’m scared that the space was so close to where I live. I’m scared for my life and for the lives of my loved ones who are LGBT as well. But most of all, I’m scared because this violence shows no signs of stopping in the near future.