I have never had so much love and so much anger for an individual more than I have for Shonda Rhimes. I am forever in awe of the creative kind of mind that it takes to conceive and execute shows like Grey's Anatomy, Scandal, and How To Get Away With Murder. The brilliance of creating shows that let viewers dive into whole other lives is a rare talent. Grey's Anatomy is probably one of the most watched, well-liked shows on TV. It began in 2005, and here we are approaching 2017, and it is still going strong.

If I could say just a few things to Shonda, it would basically be a list compiled of different ways that she simultaneously mended and shattered my heart. So here goes nothing. Let's just start from the beginning, shall we?

1. Addison Montgomery

I wanted Derek to be freaking pure in my mind. Meredith was dark and twisty enough before you made her deal with a cheating ex-wife that we actually grow to really like. This was probably the first crack that Shonda put in my heart.

2. Ellis Grey

Speaking of Meredith being dark and twisty, let's talk about the person who essentially made her that way. Oh, but first, let's give her Alzheimers and watch how painful that is for everyone why don't we?

3. Denny Duquette

As if watching patients die wasn't hard enough, why did you have to make one of them so perfect? Oh, and why did you have to make his love story with Izzie super tragic? *cue Chasing Cars*

4. Izzie Stevens

Her cancer literally made me feel guilty for how annoying I thought she was. Even though she didn't die from the brain cancer, the episodes watching everyone go through that with her made me need about 10 pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream.

5. 007 (George O'Malley)

You blind-sighted me, Shonda. You had me all distracted by worrying about annoying Izzie's horrible brain cancer that you did not give me time to mentally prepare for George to die. That was too much, Shonda. Too. Much.

6. Adele

As if poor Richard Weber (& myself) haven't been through enough having lost one love to Alzheimers, let's make 'em do it again. Why? Why did you make us suffer again through this?

7. THE. PLANE. CRASH.

This is by far the most devastating episode. I honestly am still not okay. I have not gotten over it, and I don't know if I ever will, TBH. Lexie and Mark were my favorite couple, bypassing Derek and Meredith. I fully expected you to kill off one person per season, but TWO? (Let's not forget about the false hope you gave us for Mark.)

8. Cristina Yang

I never ever expected you to pluck our person off of the show. SHE'S OUR PERSON, SHONDA. YOU OF ALL PEOPLE KNOW THAT IS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME FRIENDSHIP. (Side note: thinking about starting a petition to bring her back.)

9. April and Jackson's (first) baby

Their baby died. It was horrible. I'm not emotionally stable enough to say more.

10. Derek freaking Shepherd

I just can't. Why would you let this happen and let him leave Meredith (& me) alone like that with two kids AND ONE ON THE WAY? The whole show revolved around their relationship.

11. Meredith's attack

I felt like I could not breathe when Meredith got attacked by a patient and left her temporarily deaf. Her kids were scared of her because she was so wirey. THINK ABOUT THE KIDS, SHONDA.

12. Alex almost kills Deluca.

This is hard to watch but obviously not because of Deluca. It is hard because Alex is a better man now, and you just had to make him bad again didn't you? Not to mention the most tragic part of this situation is that this really screwed things up for Jo and Alex.

13. Karev going to jail??

The most recent mid-season finale of the show left us hanging about whether or not Karev will be going to jail for the Deluca drama. Alex has been with us since the beginning. You've taken everyone else I love, please, please do not take Karev.