Oh, ableism! A word that is generally not in the vocabulary of the regular citizen, but a word that the world of chronically ill people will probably say at (or more likely tweet) least a few times throughout their day. Think of it as the opposite of disabled; so everyone in this world without a chronic illness or disability is basically ableist.
To any abled person, you're probably thinking something along the lines of, "Who cares?" Except, oh, wait. Yeah, we do. The Spoonie community created this wonderful little hashtag which is blowing up the Twitter scene. We've banded together to show the world what exactly irks us about the language that abled people use towards the ill and disabled. For example, here are some classic lines that abled people have been known to say to chronically ill and disabled people in the past, without knowing the full effect of their words:
"Maybe if you went vegan, then you wouldn't be sick anymore."
"But you did (insert some sort of activity) last week, why can't you do it today?"
"There are people out there who have it way worse off than you do. Stop feeling sorry for yourself!"
"You should try (insert some magic cure that won't actually help, but people insist that it will). My aunt's nephew's third cousin twice removed tried it and they're not even sick anymore!"
" God wouldn't give you this illness if he didn't think you could handle it. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
"Are you even trying to get better?"
"But I saw you walking the other day. You don't need a wheelchair then!"
"You're so lucky! I wish I had an excuse to stay in bed all day."
To someone who is able bodied and completely capable of living a life generally free from pain and illness, these lines might seem helpful and comforting. They might sound like pieces of advice that you're giving to that person in the hopes that they will get better. Perhaps they are trying to give them a little bit of tough love because you probably don't think that their illness or disability is as serious as it actually is. They might even sound like pity, which an abled person might believe is sympathetic instead of rude, which it actually is.
In reality, these are insults. They are not making us feel any better about our lives, no matter how much you think the words are helping. Telling a disabled person that they aren't sick, or that they need to "just believe they will get better" is not going to actually make them any better. In reality, the words are making the situation worse, making the disabled person feel even worse about the circumstances they're forced to live through.
Next time a chronically ill or disabled person enters into your life, think twice about the words you're using to speak to them. Just like you would not tell someone with cancer to "just get over it," don't utter those words to someone with another illness that might not seem as severe to you. We're all struggling to get through battles in life, and fighting to get out to the other side victorious. Some battles are harder than others, but there's no need to judge or compare.
