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Shea Savage's Guide To The College Majors

Throwing more shade, this time at education instead of religion.

Shea Savage

Jun 15, 2016

Regent University

Shea Savage's Guide To The College Majors

huffpost.com

In a similar vein to my prior article, "Shea Savage's Guide To The Christian Denominations," I will now be giving my official idiot's guide to the UNIVERSITY MAJORS!

Again, this is a joke, so same rules apply about not getting too salty.

Also, this is TOTALLY comprehensive and not at ALL off the top of my head, so I'm sure you guys won't notice ANY really obvious gaps here. Or ironically self-effacing sarcasm.

1. Engineering

Majoring in superiority AND inferiority complexes

Majoring in the mistaken belief that going to college is just to make money

2. Math

Majoring in detachment from society

Like engineering without the money

3. Marine Biology

Still have the same career dreams as when they were twelve

Are disappointed when dolphin rides happen less often than they imagined

4. History

Majoring in dust and loneliness

Would probably still vote for the Populist party if they could

5. Theology

Majoring in dust and loneliness, but at least they get to go to heaven

Majoring in "Actually..."

6. Christian Ministries

Majoring in youth group

All worked at summer camps in high school

7. Fine Art

Will have the best decorated cardboard box of all the hobos

Can argue convincingly that even literal turds belong in galleries

8. Women's Studies

Majoring in Facebook rants

Fight for the rights of all women except those who are still unborn

9. Government

Majoring in pure evil

Like history majors without the learning

10. Education

Almost too meta to cope

Hope you like kids

11. Business

Majoring in middle management

Totally going to "start their own company" after grad school

12. Communication

Majoring in Undeclared Major

Seriously it's just a placeholder till you pick something real to study

13. English

Majoring in objectively the best major, but I'm slightly biased

Majoring in not-math

Hope you guys enjoy my latest in SHEA'S GUIDES! Maybe more will come later if I ever feel like it and the clocks were striking thirteen again.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Recommended for you

Shea Savage's Guide To The College Majors

Throwing more shade, this time at education instead of religion.

1. Engineering

2. Math

3. Marine Biology

4. History

5. Theology

6. Christian Ministries

7. Fine Art

8. Women's Studies

9. Government

10. Education

11. Business

12. Communication

13. English

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Here are just a few of those things.

Take the time to thank that one friend in your life you will never let go of.

1. Thank you for being the one I can always count on to be honest.

2. Thank you for accepting me for who I am.

3. Thank you for teaching me what real love feels like.

4. Thank you for always making sure I'm safe.

5. Thank you for going through things with me.

6. Thank you for teaching me to take care of myself.

7. Thank you for going out of your way to make me feel supported.

8. Thank you for always being there to back me up, even when you know I'm wrong.

9. Thank you for constantly pushing me to live up to my potential.

10. Lastly, thank you for making such a huge impact on my life.

It sucks, but you’ll make it through

1. Please just be seasonal allergies

2. I must not have gotten enough sleep last night

3. I’ll just take a little nap

4. Oh no, I have so much due tomorrow!

5. I’m fine, I’ll just sleep it off

6. Do I have to be responsible today?

7. Ugh no, I can’t actually be sick

8. Alright, I’ll take some medicine and I’ll be fine

9. This is the worst day of my life

10. Mom?

11. She was right (like always)

12. Too bad you're busy and can’t take the day off tomorrow

13. You think about taking the day off, but realize you have like three tests

14. You think you're actually going to be sick forever

15. Finally, you're better!

Sleepovers are not a thing. They're just not.

1. You only ask things once.

2. Seriously, you only ask once.

3. When you do muster up the courage to ask your parents for something, you creep around and wait until they’re in a good mood.

4. Before you get that final yes, you have to go through an interview.

5. If you ever got “the eye,” you knew you were screwed.

6. You were always the first to leave your group of friends when hanging out.

7. If you say you will be home at a certain time, you better be home at that time.

8. Seeing a missed call from your parents sends fear and horror through your veins.

9. If relatives are coming over to the house, your room better be clean.

10. You are careful about what jokes you share with your parents.

11. "You’re not an adult until you turn 18! You can do whatever you want then!"

12. If plans change while you’re out, you better text or call.

13. Don’t talk back. Ever.

14. When you’re called by your full name, you’re in deep trouble.

15. Don’t make them call your name twice.

16. Sleepovers are not a thing.

17. Despite all of these things, you know your parents love you.

For better or for worse

1. Pets

2. Mornings

3. Mistakes

4. Cooking for yourself

5. Hosting

6. Taking care of yourself

7. Holidays

8. Roommates

9. Keeping focused and getting stuff done

10. Cleaning

11. Social life

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