We lost you three years, eleven months, and three days ago. I am currently three months and twenty-eight days away from the arrival of my daughter. I could choke on the tears that well up inside me when I try to believe you've been gone for almost four years. You've been blessed with so many grand babies that you never got to meet and even your sweet grandson James that God took home way too early. You may not have been here to meet any of them but I'm faithful that you have been watching over all of us since you left. As I begin to prepare for the arrival of our sweet baby girl I think about how much more I want you here, not only for my sake but for hers as well. I know she would love you to pieces just like my sisters and I do. It melts my heart already when Kylie talks about you and how "Papa Spakes is in Heaven". She never met you but she loves you so much and I promise you this, I will tell my daughter all about you. As she grows up she will hear about all of our days together, from simple times like trips to the gas station for slushies and slim jims after school to sitting beside you so many time in a deer stand doing what we loved. I'll tell her how you always had my back no matter what the circumstances were. When she grows up and wants to play ball I'll tell her all about how you always came to my games to cheer me on and I'll promise her that you now have the best seat in the stadium. Life without you is hard and I realize how selfish my thoughts have been since God took you away from us. I constantly thought about myself and how losing you effected me little did I know that a little more than four years down the road I'd be praying that she would have been able to meet you. I always thought about how it effected me, how awful it felt to not have you around for senior prom, graduation, college graduation, my wedding day etc. My thoughts never crossed how unfair it was that my daughter wouldn't get to meet you. My heartbreaks for that, however because of that I promise to always do everything I can to assure her that you love her, and you are always near. She is blessed with amazing grandparents from my side as well as her fathers side but she would have loved you just as much and it will never make missing you easier. So today I ask you this, please continue to watch over all your grand babies including my sweet little girl, and don't forget to watch over your little girls too. Lastly I promise you that my daughter will know you even though she never met you and she will love you unlike any other kind of love you can imagine. Please give me the guidance I'll need to show her the love you always showed for us and help me assure her that I'll always protect her. You may be gone and she may not be her yet but I promise I'll tell her all about you. Rest in Paradise Daddy, We love you.
