Why is it that I can’t seem to get over you?

You have given me every reason to believe that all you want to be is friends. You consistently tell me how great of a friend I am. I drill the fact that you don’t want me into my head. I try to move on but no matter what, I keep coming back to you.

It’s almost like you’ve got me under a spell.

All my thoughts and feelings come back to you. My heart skips a beat when I hear your name and your voice. I get butterflies around you. I think about that gorgeous smile you have. You have no idea how perfect you are. You say all the right things and always give me the truth straight up. You are the best friend. You are so easy to talk yet so difficult to talk to. In my mind, you are a constant back and forth between love and hate.

The sad thing is, sometimes I start to believe that you have changed.

I start to believe that maybe you love me too. But then I remember. I think back to all those months ago when you told me you didn’t want me. When you wanted nothing to do with me. When you broke my heart into a million pieces as you whispered, “we’re better off as friends.” I think back to all those months ago, when I meant nothing to you, but you meant the world to me.

You are everything I want and everything I need.

You are everything I need to stay away from. You are perfect yet you are flawed. Deep down, I know that if we were to ever give “us” a try, you would break me. But, why is it that I want to take the risk, even when I know the outcome?

I feed these lies to myself.

I convince myself that we don’t need each other. I convince myself that I am better off without you. I tell myself I need to move on. But, even with someone else, you are the one in my heart.

You don’t deserve me but, the only person I want to be with is you.