Shame and guilt both have negative associations. I don't know anyone who enjoys feeling either shame or guilt. Both usually make us feel bad. I recently learned, however, that although we tend to use the words synonymously, there is an important difference between the two.
Against what we might feel inside, guilt is actually good. Guilt shows us the difference between right and wrong. It helps us make good, just decisions, and if we happen to mess up because we are human, guilt guides us by showing us where we went wrong so that we can do better next time. Guilt should not be pessimistic but is actually optimistic when viewed in the proper way. It presents us with new opportunities to do it right the next time. If it were not for guilt, we would continually be making mistakes and have no way to correct ourselves or even know that there is a better way. Guilt is what actually helps to form us into better people. This proper, optimistic view of guilt is upheld by mercy, whether it is remembering God's mercy in the midst of the mistakes of His beloved children or simply having compassion and understanding with oneself.
Shame, on the other hand, is not always good. Shame is acknowledging that what we have done is perceived as a failure in another person's eyes. When what we have done is worthy of guilt, shame can indicate a truth that what we have done was a failure, but it goes too far when we begin to believe that we are failures because of our failed actions.Shame can make us hide and cower in fear of what will be thought of us if anyone ever finds out about whatever we are ashamed of. In this shame, however, is a beautiful opportunity for humility. It is a chance to be honest with ourselves and with others that we have failed and that we are not perfect, but we must not take this fact too personally. Whereas guilt points to the rightness or wrongness of an action, shame goes too far when it applies that judgment to oneself. It goes from "That thing I did was bad" to "I am bad because I did that thing." We, as human beings, are inherently good. No matter what people say, there are no evil people. Only actions or thoughts are evil. What we do may describe what kind of characteristics we have, but it never defines who we are. Shame, when viewed in the light of truth, is good, but when taken too personally, it is no longer good and becomes toxic. We must, therefore, be careful to not let our thoughts get out of hand and to be gentle with ourselves.
As a Christian, I have faith that I am a child of God. That is what defines me and nothing else. Whatever action I may do does not change my identity. This applies to everyone, no matter what their faith or beliefs! A person is not suddenly bad because they make a bad decision. We have to be careful not to think such thoughts about others or ourselves, although it is challenging not to, because someone will always get hurt by them. Tell the voices that tell you to take shame personally that they will be silenced from now on. You are the one who has power over them. Never let them have power over you in their attempt to make you forget your identity.
