I am 5’8” and I weigh 115 pounds, on a good day. YES, GREAT OBSERVATION, I AM SMALL. Two claps and snaps for you. I am comfortable saying a vast majority of the population is familiar with the term “fat shaming,” so it should go without saying what “skinny shaming” entails, right? Yes, it is a thing that exists, although most people blindly assume skinny people don’t necessarily “have it bad,” and they couldn’t be more wrong.

Skinny shaming comments range from, “you are too skinny, that’s just gross,” or “you need to put some meat on your bones”, or even the oh so kind, “only dogs go for bones: real men like curves” (yep, I’ve actually had that one said to me too, thank you to all you kind souls may have also uttered this rudimentary comment before; why are we tearing each other down instead of lifting all sizes up?). I’ve also been told publicly via Twitter, “I don’t know what you think is attractive about being a stick.” Do men or what my body looks like determine my self-worth? Interesting remarks, because they shouldn’t. “That can’t be healthy to be the size you are;” why do you suddenly get to decide what is and isn’t healthy? I’m just saying, how often do you hear someone say to a skinny girl, “give that girl a cheeseburger” versus “give that girl a salad” to a fatter one? It’s not any more acceptable.

If you think these comments really aren’t that offensive or outlandish, you are so incredibly wrong, and I don’t care what you have to say to justify it because nothing justifies making someone feel bad about his or her body image. We are so awe struck when someone even dares to make a comment about how a woman needs to lose weight or cut down on the calories, please tell me what is the difference in telling skinny people they need to gain weight or eat more calories? Regardless of shape or size, that woman is being body shamed.

What amazes me even more, is more than half the time I receive these comments, they are from other women. What the heck is up with this? Why do women have to body shame thin girls while trying to make curvy girls feel better? Quite often upon meeting new people for the first time, I don’t receive the average compliments of “You are so nice” or “Your outfit looks really great today by the way,” I get “Do you even eat?” or “I feel like if I touch you I’ll snap you like a twig.” Of course it isn’t necessarily said as blunt as this, and they laugh and make it obvious they’re nicely messing around, but words can still stick. Is this something it seemed I was not already aware of and absolutely needed it made known to me or…?

In high school, I was immensely self-conscious about my body shape. I knew I was nothing close to the ideal girl that guys were looking for and it broke me down. It’s hard to be surrounded by girls that have flawless figures and guys that are always making remarks about how attractive other girls’ bodies look, and knowing you don’t fall anywhere near in that category. I was a high school athlete and had always been told I needed to bulk up, year after year. Nothing seemed to work for me; it was just a high metabolism and there wasn’t a whole lot I could do about it.

Outside of being an athlete, my body was still something that bothered me every single day I woke up, put on a pair of jeans, and looked in the mirror. I was so unsatisfied. I constantly pushed food down my throat knowing quite well that I was maxed out on room for more food intake, hoping I would retain some type of body fat. I spent hours online searching for and buying weight gain pills from lord knows where to take in hopes that I could gain something to work with. Of course, I never forgot to take these pills every day and gorged myself with food to supplement it, but still, nothing was working.

After a while, I finally decided that overindulging myself daily wasn’t doing anything except making me feel sick, buying off-brand, random pills were just a waste of money and probably not very safe, and ultimately, that it just wasn’t worth it anymore. I didn’t end up finishing off the pills. They’re still in my room somewhere to this day. Yes, I’m probably skinnier than your “average” skinny girl; but, yes, I also have amazing friends and family, I get awesome grades, I am super involved in my school and my community, and I love helping others in my job and day-to-day life.

Realizing that outside of my looks and body shape, I’m still a person that is successful and makes a difference to somebody else is probably one of the best realizations I could have come to. What a disappointment that it took years after years of receiving body shaming comments to have finally come to this acceptance all on my own, instead of being surrounded by women (men aren’t excluded from this either though) constantly encouraging and embracing positivity within one another, and in myself. Women can be powerful, and we can choose how to swing that power.

There is so much more to a person than just what they look like and there is so much more to life than having the “perfect body.” I know in a society that has told us ‘this size is too thin and that size is too big’, it’s hard to maintain that mentality, but I promise you that you will be so much happier when you can push out the body image negativity and perhaps spend your time doing things you love and enjoy. Travel. Fall in love. Take up a new hobby. Don’t get me wrong, I still do receive comments about how tiny I am of course, and sometimes it does irk me a little, but they do not bother me nearly as much as they did before now that I have adopted this stronger mentality about my own self image.

I know many people actually may not realize the comments they are expressing can be hurtful, but being more mindful when talking to other people about their body image can go such a long way in helping others build themselves up. We all need to be able to find confidence and acceptance in the bodies we have been given and uplift others as well, not tear each other down based on body shapes and sizes. Everyone is different and unique, and that’s beauty all on its own.