20-year-old Catie Blake was a head-turner but on June 21, 2015, she shocked hundreds of people by taking her own life.
She was about to embark on a new journey in her life, transferring to Springfield, Missouri to study at Missouri State University after just completing two years at St. Charles Community College.
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Not only was she beautiful but she captivated a room with her personality. She was friendly, she was funny, she was loud, and a good portion of the things that came out of her mouth were inappropriate to some degree. For the most part, anyone else would’ve described her as happy. She was someone I admired while in high school because I hoped that one day I could find the courage to be as unapologetically myself as much as Catie was.
The news of her passing shook up the St. Louis/St. Charles area as well as all members of the Francis Howell School District, all of which makes up a large portion of the Southeast Missouri State University student population.
“I was very shocked,” said Julia Brady, a junior at Southeast and a member of Alpha Chi Omega who was in the same graduating high school class as Catie. “When I found out, at first I thought it was a sick joke that someone started. When I found out it was real, I just couldn't believe it. When I found out she took her own life, it was just such a shock to me since she always seemed so happy.”
As it turns out, Catie was on medication for anxiety and depression. Her best friend of 10 years, Morgan Robben, who is currently attending Mizzou and is a member of Zeta Tau Alpha, says that she and a lot of Catie’s family members were aware of her battle with these issues, but not even she was aware as to just how deep depression and anxiety can fester.
“She came to me a lot, but not enough for me to think something was ever as bad as she explained or felt,” Robben said. “I know she kept a lot to herself. She knew she was a strong person.”
Hundreds of people gathered for a vigil in her honor at the football field of Francis Howell North High School. Her death touched and sent a tidal wave of shock throughout the community.
Catie Blake is just one example that illustrates how mental illness operates in our society.
According to the American Psychology Association more than 57 million people suffer from a mental illness. A stigma has been following it since the dawn of its discovery, when people who were believed to be mentally ill were deemed as crazy and sent to insane asylums that used cruel and unusual tactics to "cure insanity". While asylums have disappeared, the bleak reputation of mental illness still hangs like a dark cloud over those that have one.
I was contacted by more than 20 Southeast students that dealt with some form of a mental illness, and I did a full interview with 16 of them. I spoke with those that dealt with anxiety, depression, OCD, PTSD, Bipolar disorder, and even more. While each story was unique and each mental illness differs from person to person, every single one of them had similar beliefs with how mental illness is continued to be portrayed and why it’s important that the ideal needs to be altered.
Sabrina Tucker, an Advertising major who also minors in art and Spanish, has suffered from both anxiety and depression for a large portion of her life.
“Some people flat out don’t think it is a legitimate illness and that it’s 'not real,'” Tucker said.
Every single person agreed that they believe a lot of the negative energy towards mental illness comes from others not being able to understand what it’s like to be mentally ill. We are living in a world where if someone hears that another person has a mental illness, terms like “crazy” or “unstable” or “insane” or even the worst, “psycho” suddenly becomes the sick person’s identity.
People struggle to look past the mental illness in others, and we’ve created a harmful cycle of trying to ignore mental illness as a topic altogether, and then obsessively creating a false identity for someone that consumes them in his or her mental illness, which causes more harm for the mentally ill person.
“It took me forever to get help because I was embarrassed and I didn't fit the stereotype for depression or bipolar disorder,” said Caitlin Kennedy, a ceramics major at Southeast. “What do you do when you feel like everyone is condescending to you about your suspicions? You sit on your hands and hope it goes away.”
The fear of mental illness is evident in ways we may not realize. When asking a friend if she could give me some names of people that she knew suffered from some form of anxiety or depression, she refused to give me a name. Several people that I interviewed still pleaded to be left anonymous when I gathered my data. People are desperate to make sure this information about them doesn't get out.
“I probably wouldn't have felt as if I was burdening people I told if society was more accepting,” said Rebecca Gangemella, a BFA dance major.
And what’s so important is that we build a society where it’s OK to be open about these things so that mentally ill people can get proper treatment without this burden resting on their shoulders. In Catie’s case, Robben said that family members and a few of Catie’s close friends were aware that she suffered with anxiety and depression. But even then, they didn't know just how bad her demons really were. While not all physical illnesses are able to be seen by the naked eye, it’s practically impossible to know when someone is struggling mentally.
Communication is the biggest key in getting mentally ill people the help they need because nobody is a mind reader. And behavior, much like in Catie’s case, doesn’t show everything going on inside someone’s head. But how can we communicate if we’re taught to shut down in times when we need it most?
When it comes to reversing the stigma, all 16 people that I spoke to agreed that the first step was educating others about what it really means to have a mental illness. People fear what they don’t know, so they can’t have fear for mental illness if we can help them to understand.
“I may not be able to function all the time, but I don’t think I’m broken,” Tucker said. “It’s just something you live with like diabetes or heart disease.”
Educating our youth may be the best starting point in this process, much like other social issues we face these days.
“If parents can be educated on what signs to look for in their own children, they will be more accepting of other people,” said an anonymous source. “They’re taught about sex, why not mental health?”
As for Catie, while we may not be able to reach out to her, her life is having an impact on others, much like everyone believed she would.
“It’s made me involved with others and share her story,” Robben said. “I see both anxiety and depression in a different light and find it more common in others around me. And I look for triggers and take things more seriously. She taught me that the strongest people from the outside can be the weakest, and how easy it is for people to hide their feelings, and living with depressions is a job itself.”
So, what is the moral of this story exactly? Well, first, it’s to help end the stigma of mental illness. But for all of those struggling with a mental illness, when you want to run away and hide, please remember:
There was no shame on Catie’s mental illness.
There is no shame on my mental illness.
And there is never any shame on your mental illness.
