it started out when I ran home from elementary school and asked my mother if I was fat or ugly. It's sad to say that a six-year-old girl was being told that she wasn't skinny enough by peers. I don't remember that time; my mom has just told me that's what happened. I can remember the one that left a mark the most, the one that has stuck with me and effected what and how I wore things.
I was 12 years old and wearing baggy clothes. I personally liked how they felt, how I looked, and didn't care until girls began to publicly make fun of me. One girl came up to me in the middle of gym class, rubbed my leg in front of everyone and said, "ew, You need to shave." My 12-year-old self was so embarrassed that this girl said that in front of the boys too. I went home that night asking my mom if I could start shaving on my legs, even though there was nothing on them. It didn't stop just that year, and actually grew significantly worse. Girls made fun of how I dressed and guys asked if I want to become a boy. I felt so ashamed by all of the comments that I received that I started to dress in a different way.
One day I decided to wear a nice blue layered semi short skirt. My friends turned it into such a big deal they started photographing the occasion. The other girls followed suit as well. I felt uncomfortable all day in that skirt, as if I wasn't myself. I remember sitting in class with my peers staring at me the whole time. It was awful. The next day, I decided not to wear a skirt or dress. I thought that maybe makeup was the answer in making me look socially acceptable. I asked my sister for some makeup, then went to school the next day with mascara and eyeliner applied. Everyone liked my makeup and I received compliments all day, until I went into the bathroom to reapply eyeliner. Two girls came out of their stalls, saw me take my eyeliner out of my pocket and watched me as I applied. One commented, "Did you just take that out of your pocket?" They began to laugh and tell me how makeup won't fix me. I rarely wore makeup after that.
High School hit and I didn't experience too much with my body because I was so busy with the plays or choirs I was in. However, two girls posted Myspace bulletins about me. Their subject line was "Maggie Canty is...", then people would comment: fat, looks like a goat, etc. I got over that relatively quickly because I knew not to take it too seriously. I wasn't the only one experiencing this type of cruelty at my school. While I was sitting with some of the guys, one came over to our lunch table. He rubbed the table back and fourth and said, "Now I know how (insert girl-with-a-flat-chest's name here) boobs feel like." I was in such shock and felt so much anger. How could someone be so mean? After that incident, I decided to write and research about body shaming.
I made a few reports out of it for school. From this, I got into the whole, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." And now, after high school, people still make disrespectful comments about my appearance. I was, and still am, cat-called no matter what I wear. Random strangers, people I went to school with, friends and anyone really... they always point out something.
"You have too much makeup on."
"You have too little makeup on."
"Your ass is huge."
"Your boobs looks nice."
"You're so lucky you have boobs."
"You should consider modeling."
"Sweetie only your face and body will get you by in life."
"You should do porn."
Even at 24, I'm at work wearing my cat ear headband (they're super cute and in style FYI) and I have a customer say, "why are you wearing those?" Or my favorite, "Looks like you're ready for Halloween!" I tend to just walk away and their reaction is satisfying because they weren't awarded with reactions from me. It doesn't stop there. I came to work with no makeup on and was stopped by co-workers and my bosses if I was okay. #Sorrynotsorry for not wanting to wear makeup. I know I look good with or without it.
The best part about all of this, after high school and even college now, the same disrespectful guys I went to high school with have decided to hit on me now. Guys that never gave me the time of day to even talk to me in high school are suddenly noticing me now? No thank you! You can stay back in 2008 and 2009 where you belong. It's annoying and frustrating but, too bad! You didn't like me then, so you probably won't like me now. You're only interested in what's on the outside. #Sorrynotsorry.
I left school and all the bullying about how my appearance wasn't enough to just get cat-called and feel like my only worth comes from my looks. That changed quickly and I started to learn how to speak up. It doesn't matter how you dress, what you wear or how you look. It matters what type of person you are. No one is going to remember how you dressed, how you looked, or what you had; they are going to remember how you made them feel. People will always judge you no mater what you do so be the best version of yourself and do what makes you feel good. You will look beautiful no matter what.
