One of the most important aspects of Christianity is love and forgiveness. God’s love and forgiveness of us transmits into our love and forgiveness of others, or so it’s supposed to. I grew up in the Christian church, hearing constantly that a good Christian loves their neighbor and loves their enemy, fostering fellowship with their whole community. I have tried to live by this principle and to show love to everyone around me, even if they don’t acknowledge or reject this love. However, this sort of attitude within Christianity can sometimes put people in dangerous situations. Sometimes people get stuck in relationships with friends or romantic partners where they’re being so loving and the other person is just brushing them off, and this happened to me, too. Does cutting off a toxic relationship mean that you aren’t doing what Jesus would do? How many times are you supposed to forgive someone if all they do is tear you down?

What I have been learning, time and again, is that to love someone unconditionally does not mean you have to let them walk all over you and act like it’s no big deal. Constantly trying to immediately forgive someone who continues to hurt you is not what we’re supposed to do, and it’s not healthy. While Jesus did say to love others, and treat them how you would like to be treated, we should also remember the important lesson He taught the disciples in Mark 6:7-11. In this passage, Jesus called twelve of His disciples to go into the world and spread the Gospel. They were supposed to show the love and forgiveness of God to everyone they encountered. However, verse 11 holds an equally important message. The NIV version of the Bible puts it this way. “...And if any place will not receive you and they will not listen to you, when you leave, shake off the dust that is on your feet as a testimony against them.” Our job as Christians is not to force the love and forgiveness of God onto anyone. It is not to continuously pour love onto those who refuse to receive it. God does not force Himself onto those who don’t want His presence. He just offers a hand.

Recently I found myself in a friendship that was causing me nothing but grief. I had tried for many years to show love to this person, but my every action was criticized to the point where I felt like I had to hide the fact that I had other friends and good relationships from this person. I felt like I had to be perfect all the time, or else this person would become upset with me and lash out. I tried many times to forgive, and I do not hold a grudge against this person, but I struggled for three years trying to force love onto someone who wouldn’t accept it. I thought this was something God was calling me to do, but it was really me who had convinced myself that I had a spiritual duty to this person. For three years I poured out myself for this person, trying to convince them that I really did care, but they said I was all talk, that I was lying, that I really didn’t care. Earlier this year, I slipped up by making it seem like others were more important to me than this friend was. For nine months, we argued about that incident. I apologized time and again, but this person held a grudge against me, saying they hated me and that I never cared about them. Finally, at the end of this summer, I am realizing the truth about my relationship with this person. I have tried again and again to show them love, but they do not want to be shown love. They have refused to accept it. All that’s left for me is to shake the dust off my feet, if I find that it truly is the right thing to do.