If you’ve read some of my past articles, then you know that I am an open asexual, heteromanic, cis woman. For me, that means that I identify as a female who is only romantically attracted to the opposite sex and has no sexual attraction to any gender. I’ve identified with my gender and romantic attraction much longer than I’ve identified with my asexuality. Up through my senior year of high school, I had never heard of asexuality. Because of this, through most of my life, I’ve identified as heterosexual. I was convinced that I was straight, but I was still confused. I only identified with this because I knew that I was not gay, yet I didn’t feel as though I was really straight. Due to the lack of information, I was given, I felt trapped in a default sexual orientation and that there must be something wrong with me. I know now that this is not the case. After my own research and self-education, I realized that there was so much that I was never taught by the school system. My former ignorance surrounding sexuality and the concept of gender has a lot to do with our country’s own ignorance. This is a current societal issue that is explicitly covered in our media, but it is also a less explicit issue in education.

In general, our sex education and school programs are more progressive than those of the past. The fact that most schools talk about sex in a both a personal and biological manner is great step. There are still many issues with how subjects are taught and introduced and what subjects are ignored. I cannot speak for all educational experiences, but from my own, I can say that sex education programs tend to be heteronormative, less than secular, and unintentionally, (but very), awkward.

My sexual education began in the fifth grade with what was dubbed “The Movie.” I was brought up in a household where I was taught about the body and its functions at an early age, so I already knew what I should expect. Even so, “The Movie” was a strange and frightening time for everyone. The teachers first separated the girls from the boys, as if what was being shown to one group was secret from the other group. Afterward, I remember that nobody talked about they saw. Thinking back on it, it was disturbing how awkward everyone acted. In elementary school, kids coped with silence. I middle school and high school, some began to cope their discomfort with bodily humor and immaturity. As we passed through grade school, noticeable values seemed to appear in lessons. In middle school, we were given our first purity rings and were told that abstinence was the best form of contraception. This was the same tone that would be used until we graduated. I went to a public school in the state of New York. New York is supposed to be one of the most liberal states. Thinking back on my education, I am surprised how conservative our lessons were. The curriculum for sex education was very heteronormative. Heterosexual couples were always used as examples. There was also the constant promotion of “virginity” and abstinence until marriage. The most disturbing thing that I remember is that there were never any lessons planned around sexuality or the concept of gender. Those ideas were never even mentioned in the curriculum.

Of all the time I spent in a high school health class, talk of sexuality came up only in passing. There may have been one or two times that we ever brought up LGBTAQ+ individuals. There were two problems with this. One was that when it was brought up, it was only lesbians and gays. There were four letters and a plus sign missing. The other issue was that it was brought up so little. There should have been a scheduled class dedicated to sexuality. Our curriculum essentially set heterosexuality on default. It is important that young people are taught about sexuality in an open, mature way. I went through high school believing that I was straight and broken. I know that I was not the only person in that school who was questioning their sexuality. There are many other sexual orientations that people are not aware of and many people don’t even know the difference between, sexual, romantic, and aesthetic attraction. If there had been just a half a class dedicated to this subject, there would a lot more people in the world who would understand how sexuality works.

In addition to hardly ever talking about sexuality, our classes never touched upon the idea of gender. Because we never talked about gender, we never talked about transgender and what that means. I was born a female and raised as a girl who then became a woman. I’ve identified as a female for as long as I can remember. Although I did grow up with feminist influence and grew into having liberal views, I knew that I was a female and so never questioned my gender. I did, however, question the way gender is used in society and gender roles. I disagreed with how society defines female, but I knew what being female meant in terms of myself. I know that I am a woman through and through. I know, though, that there are other people out there who’ve had very different experiences concerning their gender. Gender was never thought to be a subject taught in schools, but as our society progresses, we should begin to get accustomed to the idea. Whether it is intentional or not, our schools already teach gender, though not in a healthy manner. We are taught the differences between boys and girls at a young age. Those teachings follow us into adolescence and adulthood. This strict division is what makes young people afraid of exploring their gender and their bodies. It is dangerous to enforce gender roles and not learn about gender as a concept. In an ideal world, gender education should come before sex education. Children should be taught about equality, empowerment, and bodily ownership. They should be taught that gender is fluid, conceptual, and that it does not necessarily define who they are as individuals. If these ideas were added to our classrooms, students may grow into more empowered and accepting adults.

Through much of this article, I referenced my own experiences from health classes and sexual education and used them as examples. I didn’t want this article to be just about those individual subjects, though. It has been those subjects and classes that would possibly talk about sexuality and gender. In reality, it should be all concentrations and school departments holding responsibility. There should be more fluidity between subjects. Sexuality and gender are not meant to be discussed in just science, there is room for discussion in the arts, English, history, and the humanities. Each educator has responsibility for a student’s education and growing process. People are deeply affected by their childhood and their school experience. Students always remember the good and the bad. If our country truly wants progress in its society, it must start with its schools and its students.