Most of the millennial generation has experienced being either in love or looking for their own sexual gratification, but let’s take a look at the actual definitions of these words. “Love – an intense feeling of deep affection towards someone” and, “Sexual –– the act of pleasing oneself or of satisfying one's desires; especially the satisfying of one’s own sexual urges.” As you can tell one definition is selfless and the other is selfish. Before I get into a deep talk about this know that these two words are complete opposites and one should never replace the other.

Being a college student that has dabbled in the dating area I have fallen victim to downloading Tinder and other shameful dating apps onto my phone. When I first created my account, I noticed it was basically a judging contest of other college students profiles. I was basically given the power to control who talked to me, and who I wanted to converse with. Swiping left for those who I didn’t find attractive and swiping right for who I found exceptional. But doesn’t this defeat the purpose of not judging a book by its cover?

Yes, yes it does, it’s basically a glorified and narcissistic way of hooking up with strangers who we think are hot and worth our time, but sometimes that’s not the case Instead of being paired with someone who shares the same interests, we’re basically making a judgment call. Of course we all want someone who we’re physically attracted to, but that should not be the first call we make. Let’s turn back time to when women weren’t given the choice of who they wanted to marry. Now it’s the 21^st century and even within the last decade dating styles have definitely changed. Nowadays, we are making decisions based on little 160x160 pixel photos and the majority of us are never looking for love.

We just want quick hookup. Someone that has a perfect smile, and a perfect body. Don’t get me wrong, there are two kinds of people on tinder and they sometimes clearly state in their bio they don’t want a hookup. Maybe they do just want sex, or they are just strictly looking for their significant other. Everyone wants sexual gratification. We need to realize that what we could be destroying our image of love, because you can’t solely base love off of sex. Love is much more than just a hookup, and our generation is guilty of believing that the greatest affection is sex. So many people are heartbroken every day because of this mistake. We all need to know the difference and how to keep ourselves from hurting others and being hurt.

Everyone has their own definition of love. Sex is the most powerful form of love. Sex shouldn’t be a casual thing, however, that’s what modern society has taught our youth. Through porn or in reality TV we see, these everyday people are having sex. This has really messed with the image of sex, love, and relationships in the minds of today’s youth. A study performed by the staff at VICE shows that more than 80% of all porn watchers are addicts. They don’t feel that it is necessary to have a committed relationship. So once the addicts have sex with their partner, they’ll usually cut ties with the guy/girl the next day.

This is sad and I feel ashamed to be a part of this generation. I rarely watch porn. To me it’s too fake and not arousing, but I am an old soul and I wish that we could go back to the traditional ways of dating by actually meeting people in person, going on a simple dates, and then keeping in contact to see where it goes from there. Sadly, not everyone is like this and I have been personally hurt by people who view relationships differently than me. I want to provide the best advice for those who are looking for romance/true love. If you start to notice that you are talking to someone who is constantly talking about sex and has admitted to watching porn daily. If you feel that they only want sexual gratification you should:

• 1. Slowly start to ignore them. I know it’s easier said than done. If they don’t feel like it’s necessary to text you or message you to ask if you are OK, then they aren’t emotionally there. They are just there for the benefits of a relationship, such as sex and affection.
• 2. Wait for them to plan a date. Don’t always be the person planning the event for the evening, if they can’t come up with some way to impress you or take you out, then they don’t want you as bad as you want them, save yourself the pain and cut ties.
• 3. Be straightforward with them. If you are looking for a romantic or emotionally involved relationship let them know. If they don’t want the same, ask for space, Gain the courage to completely stop talking to them because they are not worth your tears or heartbreak.
• 4. Couple's Counseling is always an option. If you are currently with someone who has started to show these characteristics, but you want to try and work things out. Encourage them to go to couple’s counseling with you. Don’t make it seem like there is something wrong with them, because chances are they’re just struggling with something internally like we all are.
• 5. Don't feel pressured. If you ever feel pressured, immediately leave them. NO means NO. Don’t let anyone pressure you into making any kind of life-changing decision, such as sex. If you feel as if you are being emotionally and mentally abused by the person seek authority, don’t wait until it’s too late.

Of course I’m no counselor myself but I have used this advice before and it’s the most effective for me to weed out those who want something real versus those who seek sexual gratification.

It is okay to feel the need of sexual gratification, but don’t let sex become a casual or regular thing. If you are looking for someone to satisfy your wants then make sure you make it very clear in the very beginning that it isn’t anything more than just sex. If that person becomes offended and refuses to have sex, leave that person alone. Don’t keep bothering them, move on and satisfy yourself. Don’t hurt other people to gain personal happiness because I’m a firm believer in God & karma. Whatever goes around comes around. We should never hurt someone else just to get what we want, it can cause a lot of mental and emotional damage. Always practice safe sex if you have any casual sex with a stranger, but also always respect and value other people’s feelings.

Don’t ever feel weird or unwanted if you are not finding what you want. We are all young, unless you’re an older reader, there’s still hope for all of us. Give it time. Patience is a virtue, and things will work out if they’re supposed to. If it’s an unhealthy relationship, don’t force it, give it time. God will make sure that you find who you need, who should stay, and who should leave. Always be prepared for the worst, but hope for the best and love will find you.