Tyler
It took me two years to tell my parents. I was sitting on the stairs at my girlfriend's apartment at the time. The hours leading up to the phone call were spent in tears as I released the nightmare I had been holding in for so long. Too long. After I finally got myself under control I decided it was time to tell my parents. This was going to be the toughest phone call I'd ever have to make. I was shaking. How was I supposed to tell my mom that two years ago, the night before my high school graduation, I was sexually assaulted by one of my best friends?
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He moved out of his parent's house and had his own apartment. A perfect place to celebrate the closing chapter of our high school career. With no parental supervision, we began throwing back shots. Safety never even crossed my mind. Why would it? I was among friends. Thirteen. That was the number of shots it took before I lost control. I found myself in a bedroom with my pants off. "Is this really happening to me?" I thought as I lay on my back watching my friend take advantage of my inability to move. I was paralyzed with only my thoughts stirring in my head. So many thoughts. 'I'm not gay. I don't know why he's doing this. How did I get to this point? Stop. Please stop.' None of these words came out of my mouth. They just echoed in my head as I let it happen. I need to get out of here I think as I mutter, "I want to call my girlfriend."
The next thing I know the shoes I'm wearing are being dragged across the sidewalk to my girlfriend's car. I am latched on to two people, a complete stranger and the guy that was in the room with me. I remember my high school girlfriend looking at me and telling me I was too drunk to take home. They left me there.
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to write. My hands are missing the keys I am attempting to hit because I'm shaking so bad. My mind is jumbled as I relive the experience in order to share it with you. This isn't fun nor a good story. Sexual assault, to any extent, should be taken by all as an injustice again humanity. I thought my mom would look at me differently but as she heard the quiver in my voice as I pushed out the words to finish my story I could feel her love. I was no longer carrying this burden alone. As my mom and I talked through that experience I started to feel myself again. The weight of the memory lifted.
Lauren
When you're dating someone, it's often assumed that you're both on the same page with things. That consent is predetermined. But it's not. It needs to happen every time. This time, it didn't. I didn't even have the option to consent, I wasn't coherent enough to take my own clothing off or realize what was happening.
Just because I chose to date someone did not mean I chose to consent whenever they pleased. Just because I chose to drink does not mean it was my fault. Just because he wanted to did not mean I had to.
When I first told my roommates, they looked at me like I was crazy, "Lauren... You know that's not okay right?" They were right, it wasn't, and I wasn't wrong to feel weird about that night. When I told my guy friend he said, "Well you were drunk so that's kind of on you..."
It's responses like the latter that are harmful to victims. The "what were you wearing?" the "how much did you drink?" and the "well, did you say no?" The absurdity of telling a woman to fight back against a 6'5", 250 lb. man. I'm done with those. I'm done with victim blaming, and lack of seriousness when someone tells their story. The stereotype that it only happens to women. I am done with sexual assault being the elephant in the room.
So let's talk.
It's On Us
Sexual assault. Domestic violence. Hate crimes. They're here. At our school. But here's the thing, we can help.
Did you know that most sexual assaults are with someone the victim knows? That most assailants do not act once, but multiple times? That the attacks are often planned ahead of time? You may be thinking, "Why should this matter to me?"
Well, 1 in 5 women, 1 in 16 men, and over 50% of trans folk will experience a completed or attempted sexual assault in their lifetime.
Chances are you know someone who has been through this experience but may be afraid to talk about it. That doesn't mean it didn't happen.
The It's On Us campaign has reached SOU. The campaign strives to bring attention to these issues that are happening on college campuses nationwide. To bring attention to reporting, why it's vital, and why it's not done as well or often as it should be. To illustrate the fear. The fear of the assailant. The fear of reporting. Of not being heard. Of not being taken seriously.
At schools such as Yale or Occidental College, hundreds of rape cases or sexual assaults go unreported. Out of the ones that do get reported, guess how many assailants are expelled at these universities? 0. The answer is 0. Instead, assailants face punishments such as: a $75 fine, a poster placed across campus explaining how to talk to a girl you like, or suspension, over summer break.
Sexual assault is real. It's here. And it's time for us to step up. So it's on us to join the movement, to make a change, to educate ourselves and our peers. To be there for victims, for each other.
It's. On. Us.
Sign the pledge and learn more at itsonus.org
