It was the spring semester of my freshman year of college, just a few weeks away from finals. It was a Saturday night in April, the air was warm yet crisp - but the temperature was high enough to wear my favorite pair of flowy shorts. My best friends and I ventured around campus for what seemed like hours trying to find the perfect party to attend (after all, time was limited as quiet hours begin promptly at 1 a.m.).
After dancing around and making fools of ourselves, we decided to hit the Hill, a pub/bar style restaurant on campus where students go to refuel after class (or in our case, after the party). My girlfriends and I were standing in line ready to order our overpriced mozzarella sticks, and eager to ‘mix in a water’ when suddenly, an upperclassman approached us. He stood behind me, tall and strong. “He must be at least 6’5,’” I thought to myself.
He leaned over behind me and whispered softly in my ear “I really like your shorts”. I kept standing and looking forward, my eyes fixed on the prize (the food). “This kid is probably hammered anyway,” I again thought to myself, and decided to ignore his compliment. Suddenly, I felt a hand on the side of my leg, slowly inching its way up my favorite pair of flowy shorts. At first, I thought it was a mistake. I was wrong. With both of his hands, he was playing with the fabric near my hips. His crusty hands moved back and forth and were now under my panties. I was frozen. I couldn’t move. It felt like time had stopped. His hands kept moving up my shorts and thoughts raced through my mind as my heart beat a mile a minute...
“Why is he doing this?”
“I’m in public right now.”
“Why can’t I just say STOP?”
“Oh my God this is not happening right now.”
“I don’t even know his name.”
“This line needs to move faster...someone get me out of here.”
I opened my mouth to rebuke his actions, but no words came out. It was too late. He had already felt enough. His hands rejoined him at his sides, and I was free...or so I thought.
The line finally moved forward, and it was my turn to order. I placed my order, stepped to the side, and what happens next? The same guy gets dangerously close to my best friend.
“Oh no, please not again, not to her.”, I thought once more to myself.
The tall anonymous upperclassman walked up behind my friend and forcefully erased all the space between their bodies...just like that. I watched from the side, and I could tell that she was uncomfortable, but I was still too nervous and shaken to say anything to him or her. I watched it happen. It was like he was ‘grinding’ with her, and she was just another drunk girl who he hoped to take home that night.
When she was finished placing her order, she stepped to the side with me. Immediately we walked away, exchanging a look that will not soon be forgotten. Just like that, at that moment, my best friend and I had become walking statistics.
Look at your right (or left) hand, palm up. Now, using your five fingers to count, identify the five most important women in your life. For me, this is my mom, grandmother, and three best friends. Now, put one finger down. There should be four fingers left facing the ceiling, and one facing the ground. The finger facing the ground represents a victim of sexual assault or misconduct. While enrolled in college, 1 out of 5 women is sexually harassed or assaulted. Clearly, that’s a lot of people and there needs to be a way to put a stop to it.
During orientation for my first year of college, every single incoming freshman was required to listen to a speaker giving a presentation called “No Zebras.” As interesting and strange as it sounds, this mandatory No Zebras talk quickly became one of the most powerful lectures I had ever heard. The speaker explained how zebras, in their natural habitat, do not rescue other members of their ‘squad’ in times of need. For example, if a baby zebra is being eaten by a predator, the other zebras just stand on the sidelines and watch.
Kind of an “if it’s not me, I don’t care” type of philosophy. He brilliantly used this analogy to compare it to bystanders in sexual assault situations. The people who stand by and simply do nothing are just as bad as the actual offenders. Bystander intervention is extremely important and can result in the prevention of new attempts of sexual assault and harassment, especially in the college party situation.
Some campuses are even offering free bystander intervention training for students, in order to educate them on how to properly and effectively interfere in bad situations.
If you personally are ever in a situation in which intervention is possible, please do not hesitate. You could be saving someone from making a horrible choice, or being put in an unsafe and scarring situation.
Alternatively, if you know someone who is or was a victim of sexual assault, there is a 24-hour hotline available for short-term counseling.
1-800-656-4673
