"Are you serious?"

"Well, I dunno, do you...want to?"

"I guess it's just that I've never done that before."

"Well l mean, it could be fun."

"Alright. Yeah. Yeah, let's do it."

No, we weren't discussing role-reversal or bondage or anything like that. No, after round three we had decided to order a pizza. I had suggested it as a joke (I'm a pizzaholic, which is NOT a joke), and it turned out she was down with it. I fumbled with my phone and pretended to look up the Domino's site even though my fat ass has the app for it (you get rewards!). We discussed preferences, mine being supreme and hers being Hawaiin. We compromised and ordered the Hawaiin pizza. I'm a gentleman like that.

There is no better sound in the world than the knock of a pizza deliveryman. It is short and businesslike, but in that knock, you hear the glee of someone who knows what joy they are about to bestow upon the recipient of that gooey, pepperoni and pineapple pocketed mass. The delivery guy then tried to sell me some extra pepper-packets.

I declined, as ground pepper packets are like condoms: they're hard to open and completely unnecessary.

While eating in pizza in bed might sound cute/romantic/sexy, it's actually a messy ordeal. We got yeast all over my blanket (which is black), sauce all over my arm (which is white), and pepperoni on my sheets (which really sucks). It's not that we're messy eaters, it's that I thought I could catch a slice out of mid-air with my mouth like a dog catching a ball. Turns out I can't.

Most of my friends are in long-term relationships, which is cool. I catch a lot of heat from them for having a more casual sex life, but what they don't understand is that I get to have nights like these. Nights where someone I barely know is sharing my bed and we order a pizza. Nights where I go from trying to catch a pizza slice in my mouth like an idiot to talking about how fucking freaky existence really is. More often than not, I find out more about who a girl truly is in one night than I would have ever uncovered if we had dated for a year. It's all there if you know how to look for it.