For all of my adolescent life, I lived in Mississippi where Abstinence-Only Sex-Education rampaged freshman health classes. I remember walking into my high school's auditorium and being separated from males to discuss sex education with a young woman who worked for the American Family Association. I had no clue what to expect and no idea how it would affect my life in the years to come.
The class began with the question, "Does anyone know what sex is?" and furthered with "Does anyone know what safe sex is?"
I don't even remember their definition for the first question, but the answer for the second question still rings in my head to this day. This young woman stood in front of us with a massive pillow named "spermy" and said, "The only way to have safe sex is to not let spermy enter your body in the first place... at least until you know you're ready to have a baby." In other words, until you're married.
The class continued with this woman's emotional story of having an unplanned pregnancy and ended with horrific pictures of STDs to show us what unsafe sex could give us even if we didn't get pregnant. I swear to God, I left that class thinking "I will probably never ever ever have sex..."
But what I don't think many parents, teachers, AFA instructors realize is that Abstinence-only sex-ed is terribly unrealistic. Telling hundreds of hormonal teenagers not to do the one thing their curious about is like... my mom telling me not to touch the eye on the oven-- I did it like 15 times before I realized it would burn me every time.
What I wish I had been taught was how to properly put on a condom... how to prevent STDs... how I, as a female, should feel when sex occurs. Because (sorry if it's too much information but...) to this day, I am still too scared to have sex. I've been convinced that the first time will hurt, the first time should make me bleed, the first time... the first time.
Never in my life have I been told that if you're truly comfortable enough with the person, if the other person cares about you, you should be able to enjoy yourself as well. I've constantly had the ringing thought in my head that sex is something that God frowns upon and something that only pleasures a man. And that is not the case.
This is my call to action for all people, whether it be an actual health class or parents teaching the birds and the bees. Sex education should be a conversation -- a discussion. It requires openness, honesty and straightforwardness. Stop getting so caught up in the morality of it all, and understand that some standards are not attainable. To get the conversation, here are some things I wish had been mentioned in health class:
1) Sex, whether you want it to be or not, involves (especially for a woman) an emotional connection. It is much more difficult for "casual sex" to occur than you would expect.
2) Sex should never hurt -- your first time or your 50th time -- never.
3) Condoms and birth control are wonderful ways to practice safe sex, but it's best to have both and not just one.
4) There is no such thing as a "hymen breaking."
5) It is OK to talk about sex (with your parents, with your teachers, with a counselor.) It is not a shameful thing; it is fully natural.
6) You should never feel pressured or guilted into sex.
7) Stop. Feeling. Guilty.
