We all know how it goes; he or she takes you out on a date, or as they say nowadays you’re just “hanging out”, and you like them! All is going well, they made your latte just the way you like it at the little mom and pop’s café up the street, your conversation was consistent, and the two of you made a genuine connection.
The both of you decide to go back to their place and watch a movie and relax. When you get there, you snuggle up on their couch and put on the movie and then they begin to kiss you. Flattered and feeling the moment, you kiss them back. They begin to try and take off your shirt and unhook your bra, but you’re just not quite ready for that yet; besides it’s only the first date, nothing should be expected by this point, right? When you tell them that you feel it is best to wait to be intimate, all the looks of lust and infatuation drift to disappointment and discouragement.
As your date distance themselves from you for the rest of the movie, you almost feel as if you did something wrong and guilt sinks in. At the end of the night, you part your separate ways, with not even a goodnight kiss. Hoping to talk to them soon, you see them around campus and they simply turn a cold shoulder, because the person that wouldn’t sleep with them after the first date simply isn’t worth the time of day to even look at; and the cycle seems to continue of finding people who cannot appreciate more than just your body.
It is a frustrating endeavor trying to find good people these days. Kindness is easily misconstrued as flirting, common courtesy is treasured due to how rare it is in the modern day, and looking good is always a social expectation too. The idea of instant gratification, in my opinion, has to be one of the weakest points of our generation. Since high speed internet, WiFi, and cell phones have been invented, the ability to gain information and accomplish tasks have gained speed and are only continuing to advance. Unfortunately, we assimilate these actions into everyday scenarios which takes a toll on our personal interactions. People have come to expect everything to happen all at once, as soon as they want it, at the click of a button and the snap of their fingers. We see this kind of behavior in those who are rude to their waiter when they don’t get the food quick enough or in those who can’t tolerate situations involving other people because it means things won’t be done their way at the speed they want it. We also see these habits developed into personal relationships and interactions, as if the world somehow owes them something.
Just because I went on a date with you or was attracted to you does not mean I have to have sex with you right away, and it shouldn't. Just because we hang out does not mean that I should have to be afraid of leading you on simply because we went to grab lunch together. The idea that those of the opposite sex cannot simply be friends or even that after a breakup it is hard to rekindle any sort of companionship is sad to say the least.
Sadly, these type of misunderstandings lead to everything from hurt feelings to sexual assault and even rape when the situation isn’t properly handled. According to the U.S Department of Justice, in 2006 alone, about 300,000 college women were raped, which is about 5.2 percent. It was also determined in 2010, that only about 25 percent of women that were raped/sexually assaulted didn’t know their assailants, perpetuating the fact that misunderstandings with those familiar to you can be harmful and potentially life changing. The Rape Crisis Center stated that sexual assault is one of the most underreported crimes, with an average of 39 percent being reported each year! It was also concluded that if the victim was friends or acquainted with their assailant that an average of 71 percent of these assaults were not reported.
This isn’t meant to take away from the fact that our generation is also a generation of sexually free people, which is perfectly acceptable as well whether you are male or female. No matter your biological makeup, one should be able to be as sexually free or as sexually reclusive as they please. Sadly, people try to state that there is this double standard between men and women, that men can have sex with as many women as they want, but if a woman sleeps with multiple men she is a whore, which is an ignorant and sad double standard that is simply inaccurate. That is the point of sexual freedom, freedom to be with as many people as you want or absolutely no one at all, and it is no one’s business what you do with your body besides you and your doctor’s.
No matter your situation or your feelings about anybody, just remember, that you don’t owe them anything or any part of your body and vice versa. Do what makes you comfortable with who makes you comfortable. On the contrary, if you want to sleep with everybody or absolutely no one at all, that is perfectly fine. Your body, your business. At the end of the day, just remember, it’s okay to be selfish sometimes for your own well being, and if that means saying no, then so be it. Dr. Seuss once said, “those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” If your partner minds that much, then maybe they aren’t worth your worries as much as you thought they were.
