“So what happened to you last night?” is the common question that pops up on Sunday mornings as the girls from the suite all assemble in one of the dorm rooms. Somewhat of a ritual, we all get snuggled up in each other’s beds and share our instances from the previous night.
Usually the question that follows, “Who did you go back with?”
No more parental guidance, high school hierarchy and lack of options to stop me from doing whatever I want? College is a bubble of higher education and higher sex life. You simply need to work through with confidence, class and condoms.
Our generation has become rudimentary in relationships. There are no emotional commitments involved, not for now at least. The hookup culture is so prevalent on U.S. college campuses nowadays that you may have to wait after college to find Prince Charming. A hookup can consist from going anywhere from making out, to feeling each other up, to oral sex and you guessed it, sex.
As we share our stories, giggles are usually involved. It is a weird concept. Most hookups happen with people around you in your dorms or classes, or someone random you’ve known for a short period of time. So short that you might have met him at the bar with your friends: the golden one nightstand. You go to his or your dorm, maybe somewhere more extravagant, perhaps the library or a classroom. Small chat then comes into play, nothing really deep. One kiss is shared, and one thing leads to another and there you have it.
Do you stay to sleep over? Do you just leave right after? Usually it can be decided “when the time comes.” If you haven’t shared cell phone numbers previously that night, do you after? One of my friends had the courage to leave her number on a piece of paper before she left while her hookup was still asleep. He called. Usually when partners share numbers, it is a good sign. But what if it doesn’t happen like that? Most hookups tend to end.
The nudity involved opens a window of high vulnerability, thus creating this psychological toll upon you. Once you’ve practiced the field several times, you wonder if your self worth has declined since you’ve exposed yourself so effortlessly. You start to wonder if the guy actually likes you for who you are or thinks you’re just a pretty face.
There is a clash between physical intimacy and emotional intimacy. Unless there was a friendship involved beforehand, you never really knew/know them on a personal level. You may think you know someone, but you’ve only seen the side they wanted to portray. The side they knew would be enough to get in bed with you. It’s easy to lose yourself when you’re constantly putting yourself out there without any real emotional connection.
There are some careful considerations that girls need to keep in mind. The unfortunate double standard rule still persists today. There are limitations: the number of people you decide to affiliate yourself with and with whom such as too many in the same circle of friends (aka fraternities) that need to be considered. Also, if numbers are too low, one is perceived as a prude. Too high, there is the inevitable slut shaming. One mentions your name and the word will go out. You start building a reputation and people may refer you as “easy.” Often leading women to feel ashamed for their actions, slowly breaking their self-esteem. The key is to gain their respect, which can be done by getting to know them beforehand.
Needless to say, there are great advantages to the hookup scene. You are free to do whatever you want. Confidence may play more in your favor than looks. You can focus on other goals such as school and friends and less on finding time for your romantic relationship. You don’t feel punished for going out with your girlfriends or flirting with guys at the bar. My personal favorite is the overall game: not knowing if the party is interested, playing hard to get, the excitement of actually landing the guy you wanted.
Through time and experience, there are things to be learned from the hookup culture.
As my girlfriends tell me their stories from the previous night, there is always the consciousness of not labeling anything in the fear of unwanted feelings or obligations of acknowledgement. Until we can label, there cannot be any drama involved. This will have to do for now. It’s college.
