It’s pretty funny, the looks I get when I tell people that I am still dating my "high-school sweetheart." An expected list of questions usually follows this revelation; “Are you guys getting married?,” “Has he proposed yet?,” “What are your plans?,” etc., etc. And at this point, I rattle off my practiced list of answers, smiling as I hear my relationship be compared to every cheesy romantic love novel you can think of. Now, it's not that I don't like to think about my relationship in this light -- I mean what 21-year-old woman doesn’t? But the reality of it is, seven years has not come easy.
With patience, love and a whole lot of work, we have made our way through the twists and turns of high school, and now through almost four years of college with a six-hour drive between us at any given time. And in that time, we have both changed drastically, finding our passions, interests, building ourselves into who we are today. Here are a few things I’ve learned along the way, not without input from Ted, mind you:
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SEVEN.
Never, and I mean never, talk about personal or important issues over text. Make the time to chat face to face (even if this means skype). Being able to see one another can change the whole direction of any conversation. Text, and even phone calls, can be somewhat impersonal and hard to interpret. If it matters to you, make the time --you won’t regret it.
SIX.
Remember: we are always changing, growing, evolving. Be patient. As we move through this world and face various obstacles, we as humans are forced to reevaluate what we believe and think constantly. This can be challenging, especially if you expected something of your partner and they did not come through. But, a little patience will go a long way.
FIVE.
Spend time apart. If there is anything distance has taught me, it is how to be by myself. Learn to bask in solitude, do the things you love to do, and spend time with people other than your partner. I have the utmost confidence when I say that your relationship will be far stronger if you have different things to talk about and do when you are together.
FOUR.
Trust is key. I feel as though this is pretty straightforward. A key ingredient in the foundation of a relationship is trusting one another, and believing in your partner is important.
THREE.
Embrace the bumps. Once the air has cleared, and the bump is in the past, don’t hesitate to revisit. I personally have learned a lot about how I communicate, and how to communicate better, by going back and thinking about/discussing an argument or misunderstanding.
TWO.
Compassion. Have compassion for your partner, but also for yourself. Both people have needs, and love can be displayed in different ways. Your well-being is just as important as theirs.
ONE.
Spend time together. Take advantage of the time you have alone together. Make time for dates, or even just evenings together at home. For me, the long drive from Bellingham to Spokane is all worth it when I get to cook a meal and sit down with my favorite person in the world.
