Let me just start out with this disclaimer: I am in a relationship. Now, don’t be weary, I am not here to tell you why my relationship is awesome or what to do about your singleness. What I am here to do, is to bring up the incredibly hurtful and irritating comments and ideas circulating around the Christian single. I find it sad and discouraging to hear comments that mean well but are ultimately rude and not understanding. I am certainly weary of hearing about romantic relationships, when there are so many other types, such as friendship, work or peer relationships, a relationship with God, and well, the relationships everyone actually has, not the ones only some of us have. So here are the seven comments (because Christianity loves its lists of sevens) that need to stop surrounding singleness.

1. Maybe He Or She is Gay

I know this sounds ridiculous, but what is more ridiculous is how many times I’ve heard it whispered or brought up in private when concerning a single Christian. What’s worse than is that this implies there is something wrong with the person or that there is no other reason for them to not be with someone. Here’s the thing, it’s rude in general to bring up a sensitive topic like sexual orientation to someone’s face, what’s even ruder is doing it behind their back. Christians should feel comfortable being with other Christians, and bringing up something like this breaks that trust and community.

2. They Must Not be Datable Because of *insert comment about gender role, personality flaw, etc*

To piggyback off of the previous point, just because you are not currently dating someone or are single does not mean you are not relationship material. Should I repeat that? Seriously, one can find love through friendship and through familial relations. Those are also incredibly important and arguably (if you're C.S. Lewis) the most important form of human-to-human love. Everyone will experience those relationships; not everyone experiences romantic love. Here’s a public service announcement: single people are able to be loved and able to have relationships. Romance isn’t what everyone ends up with, but that doesn’t mean you would be bad at romance or you wouldn’t go well with someone. In some cases it might mean you’ve never met someone who is actually worth your time or suited to you, or that you simply find singleness preferable.

3. They Must Be So Lonely

I brought up friendship and family because they are incredibly important. People always look at a single person as so lonely, so sad. Umm, excuse me, but there are these things called friends, and they tend to be there when you need them and when you are lonely. Romantic relationships mean nothing in regards to loneliness. Singles have roommates to live with if they choose; they have cell phones that call their friends that live nearby to hang out, and they also have family, that you know, have their back. Stop pitying the single person and start recognizing them as social, capable and interesting people who don’t need your help, but would love your friendship and company.

4. They Are Just a Paul I Guess

Okay, so I understand that Paul is the guy who talks about Christian singleness and Paul is certainly an amazing Biblical character. But two sub points on this. A) Just a Paul!!!! Seriously, that’s like saying you’re just an Olympic Gold Medalist. Paul is incredible and being equated to him is a huge compliment in Christian spheres. B) There are so many single people in the Bible. Examples of single people in the Bible (that are not Paul) being Mary and Martha, Stephen, Jeremiah, Nehemiah, Elijah and John the Baptist. Oh, and Jesus Christ, who, I mean, is kind of a big deal. Then, there’s the biblical characters that didn’t end up single, but were featured during their singleness. Think Joseph, Ruth, and even Samson, who was always doing God’s will when he wasn’t in a relationship. The Bible is chock-full of single Christians doing life, and they are certainly important, just like their married counterparts. Beyoncé called all the single ladies, but God took it one step further and called all the single people. He likes using them for his coolest work and all.

5. It’s Just a Phase of Life

This one bugs me not because it’s always wrong. It’s the phrasing. “It’s just a phase” connotes that something along the lines of it being endured or being unfavorable. You hear it usually paired with things like your teenager’s attitude or two year old’s obsession with not going to bed. You could or really should say it’s a period of life. Never downplay it; singleness is awesome. If someone is struggling with not being in a relationship, encouragement is always better than consolation, so watch your words when talking to someone struggling. It could make a huge difference.

6. They Just Haven’t Found God’s Will Yet

You know what? God’s will for everyone involves marriage. Simple, isn’t it? Except it’s wrong. God’s will is different for everyone, and let’s be real here, having a relationship means nothing in regards to you following God. It means you have a relationship. That’s literally it. This one is simply offensive and wildly judgmental. Stop using religion to make people think it will get them something they want or you think they need. *drops mic*

7. One Day He or She Will Settle

Settling isn’t the answer. Just because it takes longer or doesn’t happen, doesn’t mean you settle just to shut people up or to seem like you’re doing right. Of course, the guy or girl you dreamed about when you were 16 isn’t truly out there, but that doesn’t mean getting with someone you don’t really like just to follow a rule a human made up for you. Singleness could be your plan, and a lot of people are perfectly content with that. Don’t assume that singles will “figure it out” and settle, they may have figured something out those who settled didn’t.