I'm sitting at my desk thinking about what to write this week, and I'm getting writer's block. So what do I do? I do what any college student would do... procrastinate. Then it hit me. I could write a list going through the stages of procrastination.
1. Staring at the computer:
Remember when your teacher used to tell you that staring at the ceiling wouldn't give you the answer to a test question, so keep your eyes on the paper? Well, we've progressed. We don't stare at the ceiling, but we do stare at the computer, waiting for an answer or words to jot itself down.
2. Your mind starts roaming:
You start by making a to-do list of everything you could possibly be doing rather than what really needs to be done. You start by cleaning out your room. Then you think maybe getting outside of the house will help you. You start buying Christmas presents early just to have something to do. Then you look down at your nails... How can you focus without having your nails perfectly polished? Can I get an Amen?
3. Maybe this time:
You come back to your desk thinking you are officially ready to start. But, of course, you're nowhere close. Your mind is still wandering. You turn on a little music to set the mood for brilliant work. It's YouTube's fault for playing your favorite song next, so naturally you start busting out as if you have pipes like Demi Lovato.
4. You get defensive:
You shouldn't have to read this chapter. There was a time when hardly anyone knew how to read. Why should you have to read? Why are you being punished for knowing how to read?
5. Any channel is a good channel:
Even if there is nothing on TV, you will still watch whatever is on. Reruns seem just as funny as the first time you saw the episode. Spanish soap operas all of the sudden make perfect sense even though you don't speak a lick of Spanish. You relive the Disney days and watch cartoons and sing along to the theme songs.
6. You start questioning everything about life:
Questions no one has ever thought of start rushing to your brain. Who was the first person to think pulling a cow's utters would produce a delicious drink? Who figured out that putting leaves in water would eventually turn into a proper tea time? The important questions in life, clearly.
7. You struggle to finish:
You are officially determined to get this assignment done. You force yourself to power through. You are constantly reaching for snacks, assuming they will fuel your power. You change sitting positions so you don't become too stiff. You are cheering yourself on in your head. You finally type in the last answer, and you feel victorious.
Congratulations. You have officially completed the seven stages of procrastination!
