I always knew that something wasn’t quite right with her, but had no idea of the depths of her disturbances. She was indeed a mean one, with stone cold evil eyes and a streak to match. It wasn’t just her explosive violent hostility that scared me, it’s what was happening inside that mind of hers that kept me awake at night.
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Growing up in the ever present eye of insanity was pure hell, at least for me. There was no sympathy, no remorse, and nowhere to hide as she hammered me with viciousness. She genuinely showed an expression of excitement on her face as she created ways to torture me. For some time, her rages continued to spiral out of control and wild delusions would take over. At one point, she believed that the devil himself was within an antique doll that she kept in her bedroom; which at the time made perfect sense to me given the way she acted possessed.
The door to the basement stood just inside her bedroom doorway, and to this day, I've always pictured it as a gateway into hell. The connections all seemed to fit; and it was what I thought, a viable explanation for her psychosis. Still, it made life that much more frightening to think that the almighty dark being, was the mastermind behind her insanity. It was quite unsettling being told one day, that we were all going to be killed the night before. She explained that she wanted to shoot us as we slept with a shotgun she had in the house. It was loaded with enough ammunition for each of us, and a final one for herself.
As I got older, the psychotic rants became more intense and the cruel penalties more depraved. She had a remarkable talent for savagely battering me, then convincing me that it was my fault and that I deserved it for one reason or another. I was far too afraid of her to get in to any actual trouble, so most of the time I stood completely clueless as to what I was being punished for. It wasn’t until I hit my preteen years that I recognized that they were not punishments, but more of a vengeance toward me stemming from her own insecurities.
She looked at me with absolute disgust, a profound contempt for everything I was. Her focus was always to condemn me claiming that I thought I was too good for everyone. To the point where I began trying to just blend in, and not stand out. She despised any attempt I made to look my best or be looked upon favorably by others. It was an absolute sin for a boy to have an interest in me. It felt as though she looked at me as the stereotypical "mean girl", and was bent on taking me down. It was almost as if she had a score of her own to settle, and projected it onto me.
Her reign of manipulation and cruelty plagued me into adulthood. However, once my children were born, she turned to them as a source to hurt me. She created a story of severe child abuse and named me as the offender. So much so, that I was stripped of my own children for several years. This devastatingly painful plan was one that she had carefully calculated and devoted a great deal of time in executing. All the while, she was also lying to me and feeding me false information to keep me at arms length.
In the last conversation I ever had with her, she told me that she was "glad that I had gotten help" and that, "she understood why I was a child abuser". She then made the first and only form of admission ever, of the fact that she had abused me; "Because you didn't have a good role model", she said. I stood utterly floored. She was now trying to convince me that I was indeed a monster that hurt my children. My head was spinning as I started even questioning myself. I kept thinking back, looking for any possible example that meant that it was actually true, and that maybe I was this horrible monster and had just blocked it out. The thought was horrifying, and had me truly questioning my sanity.
I went to my children directly to ask them, and they very quickly answered no, that I would never hurt them. They also instantly became furious with this woman, who was clearly and overwhelmingly manipulating me. They confronted her, and when she felt cornered she gave the example of how I had told one of my children once upon a time, that they were my favorite....... that was it. That was all she had. This was the day finally, that her story and her world began to crumble.
She had convinced everyone that I was too dangerous for my own children, destroyed my world as a mother, and it was all based on vicious lies. As depraved as that was, even more sinister was the fact that she truly believed that I was her.......and that she was me. In the end, I was the one that paid her price.
Eight years after the damaging allegations tore my children and I apart, the truth was finally revealed. I was reunited with the children that I had not seen for six of those years. This woman's rights to my children were taken away, and she was exposed in court for all that she was. As story after story of her horrific abuse was explained to a judge in her presence, she sat emotionless and cold. The only rebuttal she attempted to make was to further insult me and my character. The judge and all involved saw clearly through her malicious tactics and were by no means fooled by her accusations.
She now talks to others about the children she misses so terribly....my children. When doing so, she expresses how horrendous it was to be separated from them, and questions who would want such a thing to happen. She ironically asks, "Can you imagine that?"
I am now a Psychology major in my sophomore year. I began my education in efforts primarily, to help children like me, from people like her. As I learn to identify psychological disorders, I also discover the true extent of her mental issues. She still is by far, one of the sickest, most evil people I've ever known.
