There are many challenges life throws at us: dating, bad hair days, climbing Mount Everest, filling out financial forms, etcetera, etcetera. However, there are just some days where it feels as though life is laughing at you, that the stars have aligned perfectly to ruin your day, that the three Fates are debating whether or not to just cut your poor little string already...what am I talking about, exactly? First full week of college classes. Those five whole days where the world is spinning, the ground is shaking slightly, and you feel like you’re standing on top of a whizzing bullet train. There is no stopping, slowing down, or taking a break. In good ol’ fashion, I bring forth the ghosts of (now) The- First-Week-of-Class.

1. Midnight

Bringing strain and stress to beautiful, blinking pairs of eyes everywhere, this awful ghoul may not visit all, but only the select few. Those who have piled far too much on their plates, and have no idea when it is time to actually sleep may see her ghostly figure staring at them from the light of their computer screens. Or the grumbles and groans of their peeved roommates.

2. Sylla Syllabus

At first appearing as foe, the ancient widow Syllabus will soon become your most trusted friend. A specter known fondly as ‘the roadmap,’ in later days she will guide you to where you need to go. Right now, though, she’s a raging witch that only speaks in stupid riddles and rhymes. What’s up with that?

3. Coffee

Coffee. Oh sweet, sweet coffee. Imagine the most gorgeous person you’ve ever seen, then add a puppy and a yellow duckling to the mix. That, my dear friends, is what coffee looks like. When you’ve definitely not had enough sleep, this mystical potion will conjure up the spirit of the bean from whence your concoction came, and from their lips, you will hear: “WAKE UP IDIOT. YOU HAVE WORK TO DO!”

4. Tea

The much nicer and more soothing version of coffee, this lovely little ghost will sing you to sleep at night, and make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Be soothed by the specter’s presence, and all will be well.

5. Quiz

The most evil of all, a demon that rarely rears its ugly head in the first week, Quiz is only less awful than Test, evil itself, but do not be placated by this thought. Study well and study quickly, lest you be dragged down into the first-week blues. If such preparation does not work, and you do find yourself with ‘the mark,’ don’t fret. It’s only one quiz!

6. Stress

Coming at the end of the week, Stress will come at the worst time. Thursday or Friday is just around the corner, and you’ve already passed in your two short papers, and cute little project. But wait...what’s this? A test next Monday?!?! Oh, Stress, why have you come?

7. The Weekend

Blissful, welcome, a reprieve from the storm, the last and most wonderful of the spirits have come. The sisters, Saturday and Sunday have come to alleviate your fears, and as long as you have followed the instructions of the good-dead friar Friday, (get things done sooner, rather than later), all will be well.