For some ridiculous reason, college students are under the impression that they must find their spouses in a time span of four years. My response to this: settle down -- you're only 20.
To anyone in your twenties in fear of not finding someone, you are not alone. I have talked to handfuls of people with fear of the future. Of course, growing up comes with fears of many things: careers, families, and financial stability, to name a few. It stems from a long line of snowballed anxieties, people put their fears of the future onto the next, and then onto the next, and before you know it, everyone above the age of eighteen is panicking about carseat safety ratings.
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If you are in your early twenties or near that age, I understand your general concern. Here are a few things to remember.
1. Do not look for it. Let it find you.
It's really common to give yourself a timeline. "I would like to have a kid by 28," and other scenarios running through your head. The more you look for it, the more you find yourself referring to that mental checklist in your head. Allow your heart to be spontaneous in nature, after all, you are only 20.
2. Everything is uglier up close.
Your friends that have the perfect relationship? They have problems, too. Even people who seem to have it all, often times, have to work really hard at it to make it as positive as it is. It is so critical to not make assumptions about people's happiness. The same goes for the single life. For those of you in relationships worried about settling down too quickly, the single life is not as glamorous as it appears. A lot of people who rave about the single life are often too scared to admit they want someone.
3. There is life after college.
Though people fail to mention this, there is life after college. You will continue to make friends. new social circles will come from work and mutual friends, and before long you will not be forced to meet a potential partner at a party over a mutual love for Natural Light.
4. It is okay to admit you want companionship.
You think you sound crazy when you say you want someone to spend your time with. The reality is that everyone wants companionship. Whether it be a friendship or a relationship, everyone wants a person whom of which they can enjoy spending time with, and that is okay.
5. You do not have to plan on marrying every person you date.
Relationships of all durations have ended. People who have dated for years have ended. People who have dated for weeks have ended. The reality is that at this age, you do not have to focus on settling down with every person you take a romantic interest in, and that is okay.
Growing up in general is hard. It is a quest of discovering yourself, trying your hand at a career, but adding the stress of finding your spouse? My fellow early twenty-somethings, we have far more ahead than we can even anticipate.
Make sure to spend less time calculating and more time enjoying, and let the rest fall into place.
