Some of you might have heard through the grapevine that Marge Simpson, arguably the protagonist of America's most iconic animated family sitcom The Simpsons, has yelled the name "Bart" in a very specific manner. This is not true, however. I am here to clear up the rumors and spread fact from fiction. Sip on this tea.

First of all, let me explain what I mean by Marge saying "Bart" in a particular way. Marge Simpson has said Bart before. I do not deny that. Marge is Bart's mother, so obviously she has said her son's name thousands of times. But these liars on the internet will have you believe that Marge frequently yells Bart so it sounds like "BAAAAAART!" Below is a video example so you can get a clear idea. Don't pay attention to the visuals, just listen to the first minute to hear what I'm talking about. You absolutely do not have to and should not watch the entire video.

See what I'm talking about? Although I can completely visualize Bart doing something to agitate Marge, the camera zooming out to the exterior of the Simpson's home on Evergreen Terrace, and hearing either a crystal clear or muffled "BAAAAART!" emitted in frustration at the end of every episode, I know this is false and it never happened. I am open to new perspectives. If you're able to prove this to me I will definitely acknowledge the truth and apply it to my worldview, but until I see some evidence that Marge yelled "BAAAAART" exactly as described in the above video, I will never shift from my current viewpoint. You can't Shazaam me here.

One thing that bothers me is the audacity of this fallacy. The argument hasn't been "Marge said 'BAAART' like that," it's been "Marge said 'BAAAART' every episode and the ending of nearly every episode of The Simpsons was structured in a certain way to close on that moment." Absolutely untrue. And then I was accused of not ever seeing an episode of The Simpsons. Look here. I've seen The Simpsons. A lot. I know Milhouse. I even know Arnie Pye and Hans Moleman. And even Grimey. But this outrageous lie that Marge frequently yells "Bart" has skewered my credibility and damaged my reputation. This isn't a joke anymore. It's slander.

So there you have it. Marge didn't yell "BAAAART" like that. I can't accurately remember how all this happened but it's been a topic of debate for several weeks. I'm pretty sure my friend said it one day and I thought it was really funny. It's still very funny. To me. But eventually we need to understand that jokes should be separate from reality. Marge said "Bart," many many times, but I do not think she has ever yelled a prolonged "BAAAAAAART" to the degree at which everyone says so. Stay woke.