Is your relationship healthy or is it ultimately hurting you?
Most people, myself included, have been in a relationship that didn’t necessarily benefit them and they stayed with that person anyway. I have done it and I have seen my friends do it, but I could never figure out what made me so attracted to someone that made me so unhappy.
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Truth is, as hard as it is to say...I think I did not want to be alone. I rather be with someone who would make rude remarks about my appearance, the way I said things, or my laugh rather than be on my own in the world. The person was my security blanket that I held onto way too tightly.
My first relationship was when I was sixteen years old, I am almost nineteen now and look at things much differently. Being 16, I was in my rebellious stage. I wanted to have a boyfriend and go on dates and fall in love like everyone else seemed to be doing. Little did I realize you can’t fall in love with the idea of falling in love. At my age I thought love was being taken to the movies on a Friday night and not having to pay for your ticket or him picking me to go sit under the stars. If you can’t tell, I am somewhat of the hopeless romantic type.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that a relationship was more than free movies and late night adventures. Love was only one part of a relationship and sometimes not the most important.
A relationship is a commitment, to yourself and to another person. It is a friendship full of communication and trust. It isn’t always easy, but to me it’s worth it, again with the hopeless romance.
Now, you are probably wondering “It’s a healthy relationship if you have all those things like trust, love and communication, right?” Well not always. In my experience, I dated someone who acted like they cared about me and my life, and they talked to me about my issues and let me vent but what I later began to notice was the manipulation and lies. Here I was thinking this person genuinely loved me but it was starting to become clear they were more interested in hanging out with the guys or the girl he worked with. He stopped doing small things like saying my hair looked nice or he liked my outfit. The free movies and starry nights stopped and he took little interest in what I wanted to talk about. I began feeling like there was something wrong with me, like I was the reason he was treating me differently. Because of how he treated me I was self conscious, nervous to confront him about it and full of doubt and blame. You could pretty much say I was a spiraling teenage mess. What I wish I could go back and tell myself is how much I was worth.
Self worth in a relationship is the key to knowing if it's healthy or hurting you. If at any time you feel like you need this person to be good enough, or to be happy, that is when it becomes toxic. It took me two years to realize I was happier being alone then in a relationship that wasn’t healthy for me.
So, what do you do if it’s toxic? Terminate it instantly. It is so important to take care of yourself. Your psyche is delicate and anyone deserves the basic human right of proper treatment. The biggest thing I have learned from my failed relationships is they helped me in the long run. Now I expect and demand to be treated with the utmost respect and love. I demand honesty and loyalty and I am better off for it.
