If you've been in the dating game even just momentarily, you've probably encountered a cheater along the way. These people make one seemingly simple mistake that leaves you shattered. While being cheated on always hurts, nothing compares to the anguish that a serial cheater inflicts. A serial cheater can be in a relationship for months, years even, and look their significant in the eye whilst continuously lying. He/she seems to have no regard for what commitment means. He/she may truly believe that he/she is in love, yet still can't manage to stay loyal. The real question here is, why? From experience, your mind will race through a million scenarios in which you're the problem.
Maybe you stopped trying to look as good as you did in the beginning.
Maybe you didn't give him enough attention.
Maybe you got fat.
Maybe you don't deserve to be loved.
Wrong. It's not your fault, and you know this no matter how much your brain tries to convince you otherwise. Deep down, you know something must be at fault in the person who can't decide between a relationship and being single. Believe it or not, there's scientific reasoning behind these seemingly heartless types we all hate encountering. It doesn't make them any less at fault, but it certainly explains a lot.
A study published in Nature Neuroscience, a scientific journal, revealed that every time an individual cheats and lies about it, he/she feels less guilty, making him/her more likely to continue the pattern of cheating. This "adaptation to dishonesty" occurs because the amygdala (the emotional center of your brain) gives a weaker negative response each time you lie. Keep in mind though, many people have an initial weaker or stronger reaction to cheating than others, and this affects whether or not they even can become a serial cheater. If you can't even lie about cheating and you constantly feel the guilt eating you alive, you probably never have to worry about becoming the very thing you can't stand; however, if you can lie about doing shady things and don't react as strongly, you might want to watch how much you do so or you'll find your moral compass has been wrecked.
Damn amygdala.
If you're reading this and you've cheated, the majority of you probably found yourself in a compromising situation and realized it once it was too late. While this is no better and still causes hurt to another person, it's a striking contrast between the serial cheater who plans how to cheat quite skillfully so as not to get caught. They don't always begin in this manner, but that is precisely how a serial cheater eventually evolves. There are certain characteristics that determine those who are far more likely to become this deceptive being, although not all with these traits become a cheater of any kind.
Let's begin with the most obvious. A fear of commitment is a pretty solid red flag, and I think even the dullest of us can piece together why. These people may have a problem with losing control, or they simply may be naturally very independent people. They tend to want to be able to do what they want without having to worry about how it makes another person feel, so why do they get into relationships? Regardless of how independent or controlling one may be, we all have a human craving to be loved, even if we can't properly reciprocate those feelings. This is usually a larger issue with those who are immature. It takes a little time for some to realize that their decisions affect the person who they're sharing the majority of their life with, so this fear of commitment and need for control usually fades as the individual matures, so long as they recognize the pain their neglect for another person's feelings inflict.
Similarly, those who lack empathy will not only refuse to talk about the issues you or the relationship is having, but they will also fail to understand or care about anything that you care about. Your feelings will feel invalid, your dreams a little silly, and your happiness unimportant. This lack of empathy may also stem from a dash of narcissism, or in the more unfortunate instances, a mounding heap. They love attention and special treatment, and they may seem to treat those around them in a condescending manner. You may be thinking "people say that my boyfriend/girlfriend comes across like that, but they just don't understand him/her." I'm here to tell you that you're wrong, and you need to run. He/she will never love you more than himself/herself.
We've all been in one of those relationships that is fun all the time. While it's great to have a partner you can adventure with and be outgoing alongside, there comes a point where you need to make sure that there's a deeper connection than this. Life isn't always fun, so you need someone to be able to connect with you on an emotional level; often too late, we find that this exciting individual was a waste of time romantically because he/she lacks the emotional intimacy necessary for one's relationship to survive. You must be able to converse about the issues between you, and if that isn't possible, cheating may result from the lack of resolution of these deeply rooted emotional needs.
Although this may seem repetitive, risk takers are a huge risk on your heart. Yes, that person who was oh-so-fun may have been a risk taker, but people like that aren't always that inclined to take true risks just because they love adventure. A risk taker prefers instant gratification. If he/she is bored, he/she may say "screw it, I'm going to have fun, no matter the consequences." These people are dangerous in the fact that excitement may supersede their love for you. Relationships are not always unpredictable and thrilling, and those who love risks to an extreme extent will certainly put one fun night above you, the supposed love of his/her life.
Insecurity is the root of such a plethora of problems that it's no mystery that people with low self esteem cheat. Two types of insecurity can cause an individual to cheat. He/she could feel that he/she is not enough personally, or that he/she is not enough within the relationship specifically. Regardless of the exact type of insecurity, cheating is a subconscious way to fulfill that inner desire to be wanted. Someone who may feel as if he/she is too dependent upon their significant other may feel the need to prove that he/she can make it without that person by finding a new one. He/she may also feel that due to their inadequacy as a person or as a participant in the relationship, you may leave them, so he/she wants to find a replacement before you do in order to not feel abandoned. The irony is not lost on me; it would be so much easier to just love the person who loves you than to let your selfish insecurity tear it down, but not everyone perceives it the same way.
Regardless of why that piece of crud you encountered cheated and lied throughout the whole relationship, you are not the problem. All you serial cheaters reading this, if you use my article as an excuse to cheat because you think science made you this way, you have missed the whole point of it and are even worse than before. No one deserves the heartbreak of feeling as if he/she simply was not enough for the being he/she gave the world to, and if you think there's an excuse for the selfish decisions you make, you're wrong. Cheating hurts. It sucks to have to second guess everything you've done for someone you thought cared too, and no matter how much you want it to go away, that feeling of stupidity for being with someone so cruel kind of lingers in the back of your mind.
How someone treats you does not define you, though. It simply gives you the strength to bounce back a million times better and find that your self worth is much more than you initially thought.
