“Needed Me” by Rihanna had become my summertime theme song. I had convinced myself I was fine on my own. I was tired of my heart being dragged along with broken promises and temporary “I love yous”. I was tired of trying to break my wall down, just to build it up again. It became a heartbreaking cycle I didn’t want to be on anymore.
So I stopped looking.
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I stopped looking for the guy who was going to want me for me; who made me feel comfortable and not ridiculous for being passionate about something; someone who didn’t just want to be tangled in the sheets with me but have something of substance.
I craved a forever not a just for now. I don’t want to play games and feel anxious when I haven’t heard from him in a while. I don’t want to wake up every morning second-guessing myself or wonder what I had done to justify the distance between us.
Then you came along and I was thrown off guard.
I’ve always preached about everything happening for a reason and the best things happening when you least expect them, but when I first met you during freshman year of college, I thought and felt absolutely nothing. We spoke here and there and we formed a very casual friendship. As the semester progressed and we found we had more classes together, those short hellos in passing turned into full-blown conversations about sports, our friends and hangover stories- to say the least; we were bros.
Slowly but surely those conversations in class expanded to conversations via text message or snapchat and we became closer than just school friends. The boundaries never overstepped the strictly platonic friendship we had besides the occasional “are we ever going to hang out outside of the classroom?”
Then over two years later, after maintaining that friendship, you decided to finally take me up on the offer. We met up in the parking garage outside a movie theater in-between both our towns and after the initial awkward hugs and “how’ve you beens,” we were back to our old joking around selves. The vibe was effortless and the chemistry was undeniable.
The first thing I thought when I realized I was falling in love with you was, Shit. It happened right before my eyes: the guy sitting across the table in my freshman English class, who I used to text about the really awkward dates I went on and give advice about his then-girlfriend, transformed into the person I wanted to be kissing at the end of the night. It was an electric feeling — like I got zapped — and suddenly I realized everything was about to change in a big way.
The thing about dating your best friend is it’s almost like living in a real life movie. It’s more than just having a boyfriend; the romantic relationship develops after you already have a strong friendship together. Best friends know each other inside out; there’s no shame in dressing like a slob or staying in instead of going out. He’s closer to you than your closest girl friend, because you not only have a romantic chemistry together, but there aren’t any formalities or restrictions from being your true weird self.
When you date your best friend, it’s more than just a physical and emotional relationship. You deeply connect on a personal and mental level as well. To say the least, I never understood the concept of dating a close friend until I met you.
You’re intoxicating. You set my soul on fire. Being in love with you is something I can’t even put into words. It’s like time just doesn’t exist with you. In the blink of an eye it’s 4pm and my body is still tangled up under the sheets with yours. Being in love with you feels like a baby’s laughter. The kind that you feel throughout your whole body- where you can’t muster up any noise, you just shake with complete joy (even though you think it’s annoying).
I never thought I could feel this sense of security with a significant other. The thought of being in your presence just drives me wild, I know I’ll never have to worry as long as you’re by my side. Being in love with you feels like I have known you since the beginning of time. Like my heart couldn’t find its rhythm until it beat next to yours. We often sit staring into one another's eyes, no words need to be spoken. I can feel my heart beat faster, and a smile softly tugs at the corners of your mouth.
Your scent makes my knees weak, and you're always there to steady me with your strong hands. You have a sense of humor (no matter how many times I'll deny it). Your laughter is booming, and it's contagious. You accidentally shove me too hard and grin down at me like it was the most adorable thing you'd ever seen, despite the original wave of concern and guilt. You make me smile every day.
You’re selfless. You drop me off when it’s late so you can assure I get home safely. You'd take the shirt right off of your back if you sense that I'm even a little bit cold. You show me every day that you love me. You open every door for me, you carry my things for me. You remember every stupid little detail. You surprise me with pizza and kisses.
You are just unlike any other man I have ever met. You're open with me about what is on your mind. Whenever there is a conflict between us, you are patient with me and understanding. You always put me first. You remember what's important, and what's not. You always tell me you never want to lose me, and I promise I will never let you go.
Being in love with you feels like I am actually me. Like I spent so long going through life blindfolded and now I can finally see. The way I feel about you, I cannot put into words. Your endless patience and persistence allowed me to open my eyes and see what was in front of me all along. I know the bond we share is very rare these days but I can't think of anyone else I would want to be with at 2:30 in the morning when I can't sleep and I crave your arms around me.
And I wasn’t expecting it. I wasn’t expecting you.
Being in love with you feels like falling into your bed after a long day at work. Like this is where I am supposed to be. I just look at you and I am home.
