I read an article by the American Psychological Association entitled “Students Under Pressure”. It detailed different pressure points and how they could affect the student mentally, physically, emotionally, and academically. So then I got to thinking. What’s something in my life that makes me feel like the world is on my shoulders? What’s something pressuring that periodically has my phone ringing off the hook. Home life worries. Those worries that have momma, daddy, auntie, and sister-in-law calling and leaving voicemails 30 separate times. Those worries that later have you meditating because you’re the only on left totally unbiased to the situation. Those worries that have you sickly and stressing while trying to juggle school, bills, and sleep while everyone else is stress free after venting to you for hours at a time.Those are the things that I face while in school. They eat away at my heart like worms until I feel like there’s nothing left, and the people who put those there are nowhere to be found when I need a sounding board. So who do we call?
Who should l call when everyone is mad at everyone? When I feel like I have to choose cautiously about who to talk to, who’s my default? What’s my alternative?
For me, I don’t bother worrying anymore. In this last year, I’ve limited myself from reaching for my phone to check in with anyone simply to avoid “worries”. Even when I have the best news of my life, my instant though isn’t “who should I tell” it’s “who, if I tell them, will actually be just as proud as I am and not try and make the call about themselves”. It gets lonely, but given the situation I pick holding it all in every time. For the longest though, I felt like I was the only student who went through this. I felt completely isolated, and it was embarrassing sometimes because I wasn’t sure anyone else could relate. But then I learned this isn’t just an issue for me. A lot of my classmates’ deal with the same thing. Some have an understanding with home about when to call and what to call about. Others are at my level and just soaking in all of the animosity attempting to carry it all to graduation somehow. Well, quite honestly, I’m tired.
I’m fed up with being the “go-to” kid. I’m tired of not having anyone in my corner, and I’m so sick of having to hail Mary when it comes to my studies because I can’t focus past my own thoughts. So I’ve decided to draw a physical line between home and school. From mid-August clear past May I will be unavailable to hear of anything remotely “petty”.
I will not subscribe to your gossip show, and I will not mediate or relay messages between adults, kids, or otherwise. Because I am trying to “Adult”. I’m going through a transition in my life that needs my full undivided attention. So I can’t give you any more pieces of myself. I can not allow you to pull me away from my priorities. Enough is enough.
Now this is just me. I can’t speak for my peers, but I do honestly believe this is how things should be separated. I feel this level of respect for a student’s life should be shown at all times because you don’t want to be in a situation where it becomes so normal for them not to call for months in between. Where if something were to happen, you wouldn’t know. Or where you’re pushed so far out that you begin to feel they don’t need you anymore. We don’t want that to happen either. So try and show us a little more respect from now on.
Signed,
(Tired) College Girl
