There are three points in life that you will be considered a senior: a senior in high school, in college, and as a senior citizen. I'm far over and so done with the first time period and thankfully no where near being asked if I can receive the senior citizen discount at the grocery. But, now as I am about to embark on my senior year in college I can't help but think back to how I felt as a senior in high school.
I felt on top of the world that year. It's funny now, but I was so excited to be top dog on campus and about to enter the "real world". I thought I was so close to becoming an adult, having responsibilities, and being super mature in this new stage of life called college. But now, here I am going into my senior year of college and I in NO WAY feel the way I felt as a senior in high school. No longer do I think I am ready to adult, or have real life responsibilities, or in any way am mature enough to function outside of college walls. There is nothing I can do about slowing down time though because real life and graduation is upon me. On August 17th I will have my last, first day of school. Then, in May I will walk across the stage to receive my diploma and, "Welcome to the real world Callie!" I'm still not too sure what to do with that yet. Unlike my senior year in high school I have no feeling of senioritis in me at all. I won't be siting in class counting down the hours, or assignments, or days until break. I think it's safe to say I've found the cure to senioritis: fear. Fear of spending all this money and time to learn about my future career to only fall flat on my face once handed a "big girl" job. Fear of paying rent, cooking dinner, making friends at work, still having a social life, finding a spouse, getting a house, learning about mortgage, taxes, children, life. It all becomes really overwhelming, really quick (only with slight dramatics).
Unlike my 18 year old, senior in high school self I now find myself wanting to enjoy every moment. All the last wisdom, criticism, encouragement, and teachable moments my professors have for me until I'm the one giving teachable moments. Last minute lunch runs racing against the clock in between classes with friends before it's a quick lunch in the teacher's lounge. Late night classes that involve completely delirious, exhausted students making fun of every moment they can to just stay awake instead of late nights grading papers. I want to live in these last, few moments I have as a senior. I don't want to just pray to get through tomorrow, I want to BE in every moment because it's the lasts of the lasts. I want to spend this year living in the now rather than fearful of what's to come. Gaining the confidence that has been instilled in me for four years that I CAN and WILL educate future generations of elementary students. That I spent four years gaining life knowledge along with school knowledge. I want to walk across that stage in May and know that I have given everything I have and done all I could of done in my four "best years" of my life academically, socially, and spiritually. I want to walk across the stage educated, confident, and ready to no longer be a senior but a full fledged, real life, capable adult.
Because when I reach that final stage in life as a senior citizen I want to know I never just passed by day to day, but I lived and it's how I got here. I had wonderful senior high school and college moments along with all the moments in between. That because of those moments one day I will have 30+ years of educating children and leaving my mark in the school system. Where do you want to be in the years to come, and how is this season of life (for some of us our final, fourth, senior year) going to get you there?
