No, I am not saying that I regret my decision to attend Penn State. I am forever grateful for all the opportunities this university has provided me with, allowing me to grow both socially and academically.

Penn State has truly helped me find myself and what ultimately makes me happy independent of the validation of others. However, I am no longer that naive underclassman anymore, and I'm ready for the next chapter of my life.

Change is a funny thing... when it happens we don't want it to and when we are waiting for it, it just never seems to come. I remember starting college like it was yesterday and not wanting to leave my family and hometown friends. I remember being all nervous and scared that I would never make a name for myself and that I would end up friendless and lonely.

I remember how happy I felt when this was not the case and before long almost the entire freshmen class knew who I was. I remember how amazing it was to finally feel like I belonged.

However, upon starting junior year, I began to realize that things were changing. I began to realize that my core friend group was starting to hang out less and less, becoming busy with academics, extracurriculars, and their boyfriends.

I had begun to realize that I was the single one, the one that did not really have a group of friends outside of them... a backup plan of sorts. I was never able to find that one club or organization that felt like home (despite becoming involved with literally everything) and was unlucky enough to have all my other close friends transfer schools.

I needed change, a way to cope with this feeling of loneliness, so I decided to study abroad.

The thing with me is that I am always a big fan of the beginnings of things. I love the first day of school, the start of a new season, the excitement of traveling to a new place and almost no one knowing who you are. I like the newness of it all, the element of everyone being bonded by the fact that we have no idea what we are getting ourselves into.

Abroad I was able to recreate this newness again and although initially challenging at first, find a group of friends that loved me for who I was rather than the person I tried so hard to be. I thought that Penn State had made me feel accepted (and maybe at the time it did), but upon meeting these more genuine people, I came to realize how wrong I was.

Penn State had "accepted" me because I fit its mold rather than accepting me for me, weird quirks and all.

While abroad, I missed Penn State. I missed my group of friends and having that support system that knew me from the beginning. I missed having that group of people that I experienced all of my college firsts with and reminiscing on all those memories we had together.

I missed walking around campus and having people recognize me from Instagram. I missed going out at night and tailgating and day-longing and all that other basic college stuff, or so I thought. However, when I came back this semester, I realized that I had outgrown all these things. I had realized that I did not miss Penn State.

What I did miss were the few friends I had. I missed the five people that I could count on my fingers the most. I did not miss this superficial environment I had created for myself.

I did not miss all the pressure that I put on myself to constantly come off as bubbly and extra just for people to like me. I did not miss always having to be the one to initiate plans if I wanted to be included in anything.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I have become a completely different person than I was freshmen year. I have grown, changed, and gained an entirely new perspective on college life. I wouldn't say that I did college wrong or that I would change anything though because in those moments things worked out for me.

What I am saying is that college really is different than high school and that things that mattered then don't now, no matter how centered around superficial things your campus may be.

So here I am, a senior who isn't "washed up," but rather matured. Someone who enjoys staying in with a glass of Barefoot in hand watching the Bachelor rather than going out at night.

Someone who no longer gets excited for game day weekends or nights out with the squad. Someone who is focused on what comes next and hopefully that something is just as great and exciting as my freshmen year.