When I was a little kid, I couldn’t wait to be an adult. I dreamt of being a grown-up and having a job and being independent. I thought life was easy as an adult, and from the bottom of my heart, wanted to be like my parents. When I came to college, I didn’t see myself as an adult; I was an older kid, a “baby adult.” I lived my first college years on that notion, that being an adult was far away. I believed I still had a lot of time to learn how to act like an older, more mature person.

Last summer, I had the chance to intern in DC. For the first time ever, I had a job. *cue applause* I started waking up early, drinking coffee in the morning (unlike I do here at Rice, where the 10 p.m. coffee is life), and taking the metro to get to work, like a “normal adult.” During the whole process, though, I never viewed myself as a full fledged adult. I was a “baby adult,” I had all the time in the world.

Fast forward a couple of weeks. I get back to Rice, and realize that I am (for the second time in my life) the oldest class. In high school, I met this with great excitement — I was about to go to college and continue to grow. This time around, I was (and still am) terrified to consider myself an adult. When I was asked by the new students what year I was the conversation would go something like:

New Student: What year are you?
Me: I, er, um, juni — senior. God, I am not ready to say I am a senior. I am not adult-y enough to be a senior.

Yeah, that awkward. I did my best for O-Week to play it down, but when classes started, I sat there in my first class pondering the famed “senior status.” I am not ready, I said to myself, I still need time.

"Adulting" is hard. Paying bills, making money, being independent; that’s all very, very hard. A month of interning did not help me become an adult, as I didn’t see myself as one. It took me a few moments of that day to realize the fact that society doesn’t really train us to be adults. We go through school, learn a lot about stuff and then go to college, where we pick our own stuff and become pseudo-experts in that field of stuff. Now, don’t get me wrong, learning and going to college are crucial parts of my life; I would not be anywhere near who I am if it weren’t for all the chances I have had to learn. But, there was always something missing.

If you ask me how to pay taxes, I would probably stumble. If you tell me to fix a broken pipe, I would try to google it, and then proceed to failing at what Google said. I am not trained to be an adult, I am a great student but not an adult. So, how do we actually get ready to be adults?

The answer may surprise you. The keepers of adulthood, the “adultier" adults, the bonafide adults, are older and have gone through what we have yet to go through. These actual adults are our parents, mentors, and even older friends. They contain the wisdom of the real world, and are willing to give it to us if we ask. Yet, when I ask these wise people, they reveal a great secret: They still aren’t sure what it means to be an adult, at least not in all its forms.

You see, adulting is a life process. You never learn it all, you are never a full expert. Since life is so different for everyone, no single adult will have all the answers. Even when they do have an answer, it may turn out that that adulting advice doesn’t apply to you. That’s OK. We are all allowed to fall on occasion, and ask for help getting up. It takes guts to be an adult, and sometimes we may not have a clue what we are doing. So slip-ups are okay. Just remember to keep adulting as best as you can.

As a senior who is in denial, I find myself doing more adult-y things every day — job applications, important phone calls, and so on. I am by no means an expert at anything "adult." Yes, I am more mature than perhaps, say, a 16-year-old. Nonetheless, in my eyes, I am not an adult.

While I was writing this article I decided to google quotes about adulting. I came across this really cool quote that did not have an author:

Being an adult is all about how well you can hide the fact that you are still a kid.

Yup, sounds about right. Remember, adulting is a process, and even in the end, we will most likely never be 100 percent adult.

So, with that, I will keep on being a kid at heart, and proceed through the adulting process, slowly, but surely.