For most girls, our vision of what having sex for the first time will be like is shaped by what we read about in romance novels and see in cute movies. In reality, more often than not, sex doesn’t end up being anything like the way that it’s portrayed in our heads. It’s clumsy, kind of painful, and there aren’t any mind-blowing fireworks or sound effects. This isn’t to say that sex, when it happens for the first time, isn’t a beautiful experience, but rather that it’s important that you don’t get discouraged or feel disappointed when it doesn’t meet those expectations that you have created for yourself.

The decision to have sex, although not necessarily made during our adult years, is very much so an adult decision. It comes with very adult consequences, and whether you’re pro-life or pro-choice, sometimes you will end up having to deal with the consequences of making this decision. The most important thing that you can ask yourself prior to making this decision, no matter what age you are, is how will I feel about myself when it’s over? It’s important that you make sure that you are completely comfortable with the decision that you’re making because if you feel pressured or you decide to do it for anyone other than yourself then in the end you’ll end up dealing with a lot of unnecessarily painful guilt and with everything else that’s happening during the transition to adulthood, the last thing you need is the burden of guilt keeping you awake at night.

Sex, when completely consensual, is absolutely not a bad thing and no girl, guy, or anything in between should feel bad about engaging in it. Sex does not equal love, but sex is healthy and it is beautiful. Sex does not have to happen between two people who love each other, or even two people who are in a relationship, but sex should only happen between two people who have a mutual respect for one another. Don’t have sex with someone whose feelings you’re unsure about because it absolutely will not help you to figure out how they feel about you. For some people, sex is just sex and that’s all it needs to be. Every person is different. As long as you and the person who you’re planning to be intimate with are upfront and honest about everything, you will be absolutely fine, but don’t leave things up in the air.

For those who are expecting sex to be a huge, life-changing experience, I can’t tell you that it won’t be, but I can tell you not to sell yourself short. This is a decision that you must absolutely be confident in because if you’re not, you will have regrets and nobody wants to deal with their own regrets. Unless you are having sex with someone who you know has never been intimate with someone else, or you’re in a monogamous relationship, always use protection. It only takes one sperm cell to make contact with an egg and then you either have a lifelong commitment or a very difficult, emotional procedure to deal with. Birth control can only offer you so much protection, so it’s up to both you and your partner to protect yourselves. If you’re not sure about it, you probably shouldn’t do it. Don’t sell yourself short by cheating yourself of the beautiful, well-thought out experience that you deserve. Even if you’re careless and it does just happen, make sure that you take care of yourself and remind yourself that your identity is not bound to your sexuality and you should not be ashamed of being a sexual being.