I hate to admit it, but my self-worth for the longest time came from guys who really never cared about me in the first place. I started doing this when I was around 17, and I just recently stopped trying to get my worth from guys right before I turned 23. This summer I realized that my life won't change until I take steps to change it myself. One of my biggest issues stemmed from me going after these guys that honestly were not worth my time or my energy so I just stopped. I stopped getting on tinder and had the app deleted for months. I deleted my bumble and I haven't got back on it since. I started focusing on other things like friends, hobbies, family, and all the positives in life.

This change in the direction of how I determine my self-worth has changed my life in more than one positive way. I stopped trying to get my value out of these guys who really could care less about my feelings, I stopped allowing myself to talk to guys who didn't share the same way of thinking I did, and I have been trying relentlessly to stop feeling like my worth comes from having a boyfriend. I have never had a boyfriend. I have gone on dates, and I have done the whole friends with benefits thing. Eventually, I would start having more real feelings about the guy than I expected and the dates and the friends with benefits would end. This was devastating when I was younger. I didn't understand why it happened, and I thought there was something GENUINELY wrong with me because the guys I liked never liked me back. It was so frustrating, and I threw so many pity parties for myself it was ridiculous.

I stopped looking for a guy who would care about me and I started looking for ways for me to care about me.

This may seem selfish to some people, but it was something I desperately needed to do in order to fix my way of thinking. When your self-worth is so low, everything in your life becomes low. You feel depressed, you feel anxious, and you don't know how to stop it. Then one day enough is enough and you decide that you need to make a change. I started a spiritual journey to find God, and it sounds so cliche but once I started my life improved almost immediately. It actually has continued to improve. I listen to gospel music more often and feel a sense of peace when I do. I just started listening to religious podcasts, and I started actively seeking people who felt the same way I do. (SHOUT OUT TO SIGMA PHI LAMBDA!!) The people that I have met have wanted nothing more than the best for me and I feel the exact same way about them. I started taking my friendships seriously and cultivating those friendships to be the best they can be. I have made so many connections with people who matter to my life now that were not in my life five months ago. I feel like my ties to my family have also improved as well. I feel more connected with those who support and love me now more so than I have ever before.

My self-worth comes from many things now. It comes from a spiritual journey that has really just started. It comes from friends who are quickly becoming family. It comes from a family that supports and loves me wholeheartedly, and there really isn't much more you could ask for. I'm not saying that it's easy, because it really isn't. It is still hard to do about 30 percent of the time, but the other 70 percent is amazing.

A few days ago I told some of my friends about this process, and one of them asked me if I was "talking" to anyone since I started this in July. When I said no I felt content. If my friends had asked me five months ago I would have said no and sighed about how I was gonna be single forever. The fact that I felt CONTENT when I said that speaks volumes to how much my self-worth has improved.

So, to all the girls (or boys) who are trying to get their self-worth from guys, take your self-worth and put it in yourself. Take time to reflect, take time to heal, and take time to redirect yourself. You won't regret it.