This week's article might be a bit heavy. Just a forewarning, although quite frankly taboo tends to be the most interesting. I wanted to write about self sacrifice, yet it seems very hard to do so without seeming as if something is deeply wrong with me. But in the name of self sacrifice, these words should be written. What does it mean to give up yourself? If it were in terms of gambling, this would be described as going all in. If we think literally, it's the most you can give up; your life. For the sake of being less grim let's just define that as your maximum physical output.

Why self sacrifice in the first place? Do we have some twisted desire to martyr? I believe the attraction to this comes from the lust for nobility. Life is an ongoing competition where we all try to maintain, increase and negate loss of image. We all wish to look better to one another. It's a simple human concept, we pursue. Always wanting better, even in ourselves. It's why millions are dumped into philanthropy. Everyone is just trying to look better, and understand that in of itself is not evil.

I digress, I find myself drawn towards thoughts of self sacrifice. Not that I hold a suicidal tendency, but I wish to receive the title of hero. The image of a hero rushing into a burning building, or staving off some unstoppable force sends chills down spines. I wish to be those heroes, that is all. Yet I ask myself, is this maladaptive behavior. It goes against the common sense of self preservation to do what I'm describing, yet it seems so attractive.

Maybe if we study in smaller scale, the answers will be apparent? I recall watching an old teenager sitcom and hearing, “love means sacrifice.” Understand the scale, the character was merely putting up with the person of his affections unbecoming behavior, not hurting himself. It seems very obvious that stifling yourself for others is not necessarily noble, almost foolish. Yet it seems that things that are worthwhile require sacrifice.

Perhaps I'm just selfish, wanting all the reward yet none of the risk. I am genuinely curious. Take the example of the redemptive sacrifice. Where the hero who believes himself to be bad or dangerous and sacrifices himself as a grand gesture. They tend to believe that by putting their misfortunes, or other non-virtuous traits to good use that they are in the right. Is this the self sacrifice craved? Do some who feel like monsters wish to put their monstrous traits to use? Why yes. Everyone wants to feel wanted, as if they contribute.

And now the puzzle starts to come together. The craving for self sacrifice comes from a need of wanting to be wanted. To seem useful. The existence of this belief brings about more sadness than fear. These people shouldn't feel unwanted to the point that they believe sacrifice is the only way to remunerate. These heroic tendencies are a cry for help. Not to mention, the lack of response to said cry would fuel the person to be drawn to even more self sacrifice. A dark downward spiral that ends as they do.