Campaigns and self-love messages are bullshit. They are bullshit.
At least the ones boasted about amongst any social media platform are.
They’re unrealistic and minimize the actual feeling of self-disdain. They make it seem so easy to suddenly change your mindset and love yourself because you’re worth it. Well… if you can’t change your mindset to think that way, isn’t it impossible to be changed by these campaigns?
Our minds can be very stubborn. It's nice to see messages that tell you to love yourself the way you are, but they're hard to implement mentally. It's hard because you’re already accustomed to thinking quite the opposite.
You can say all the inspirational messages from these campaigns, but until you are at your edge and breaking point, it means nothing. Don’t get me wrong, I really do appreciate and think these campaigns are a good thing. However, they don’t incite change and they don’t help people.
Two months ago, it took more effort to get out of bed and you’ve slept through a lot of eight a.m.'s. You hate yourself for it because you’re jeopardizing your education, but somehow there’s just nothing that’s pushing you to make that change at least not yet. And you weren’t suicidal, for you were far from it, but you were sad.
You were sad that you had fewer friends and you have people in your life that left you. You are mad that you aren’t succeeding all the time and that you think you’re a disappointment. You get upset over little things and it makes you really unhappy. You are both sad and mad. You know that people have it worse and your life has been going pretty well. You're privileged and lucky. You should be happy. But you weren’t.
And, there are people worse off but there will always be people who have it better or worse off than you. So you get upset that you’re upset because there are people out there with “real problems” and they’re in debt and in poverty or they’re dying from a terminal illness. But the thing is mental problems are just as “real” as anything else.
Yes, maybe they’re not as urgent or as visibly paralyzing but they have “real” impacts. It's okay to feel this way but you shouldn't let it consume you. It's okay to be upset, mad, and sad but it shouldn't be the reason you go on. It took me two months to realize this.
So I'd like to say I'm saying bye to who I am and who I was, but I'm not. I'm not saying bye because I'm not there yet. I'm not ready yet. I recognize who she is and I look at her through the mirror. I realize that I don't like her, but I'm taking charge. I know what my reality is and I'm taking charge. I'm making her into who she should be. She should be someone who is: more confident, more loving, and more driven. We all make mistakes and they shouldn't consume us. I made that mistake, but I’m learning.
So yes, things don’t get better. Your problems don’t magically get fixed and your life doesn’t just change suddenly overnight. It doesn’t work like that. Things don’t just get better. You have to make them better.
You have to stop looking at yourself from a third person point of view in disappointment, anger , and sadness. Instead, take control and are in the first person role and are that change and get better. No one can just “fix you.” You have to assess your situation and who you are. You have to be the one who wants to bring about the change in your life if you want it to be better.
You still can’t get out of bed for every eight a.m. but you’re getting better. And yes I still get sad and mad at myself. Sometimes things do get too hard or too overwhelming, but it’s important to acknowledge that and grow from it rather than let it take over your life. You’re actually initiating plans with friends instead of wallowing in your bed.
You’re talking to your teachers and really engaging in your classes because wow?!
The material they’re teaching is actually interesting?? You visit home not because you dislike it here at college, but because you appreciate your family and want to be around them even if they don’t know you feel this way. You really love the people in your life and you appreciate your family more than you ever have (they really care and they’re willing to do so much for you).
The friends that you’ve made really care about you and are there for you. They don’t just drop you when things get tough. Your life in college is so interesting. You’ve learned so much about voters, elections, psychology, and writing.
Most importantly, in college, you learned about yourself. So yes, you aren’t going to get better overnight. A good night’s sleep and a positive outlook don’t just fix how you feel, With some effort and persistence, you can make your life better. It’s all up to you. Self love isn't easy but it's worth it. The hardest things in life are worth working for.
